Positive affirmations seem to be all the rage these days.
Everyone and their mother tells you to use them, repeat them daily with the promise that your low self-esteem will soon be healed and you’ll be self-confident, happier and more successful than ever before.
I’ve certainly talked about the many benefits of positive affirmations and experienced incredible changes in my life because of them. I’ve come to a place of deeper intimacy with my body, freedom from devilishly hurtful thoughts about dieting and food and simply an all around feeling of more positivity in my life.
However, there’s also a dark side to positive affirmations: for some of you, these messages that are supposed to make you feel better, actually make you feel worse.
They make you feel belittled, like you’re failing at yet another thing, like it’s working for everyone but you – once again – and that no matter how hard you try, you just don’t see any changes in your life.
In short, for some, positive affirmations quickly turn into negative affirmations about themselves and their lives.
And so, I was curious. Why is that? Why do some people find positive affirmations so empowering while others feel defeated when using them?
If you’re intrigued by these questions too, then watch this edition of Love Yourself Friday to find out why positive affirmations work against you and how you can turn it around.
More tips from GUY WINCH, PH.D. and author of EMOTIONAL FIRST AID:
1. Make a list of qualities you have that you value in the domain you want to affirm. For example, if you seek affirmation of yourself as a dating/marriage prospect, include items such as, loyal, emotionally available, good listener, caring, sensitive, non-jealous, supportive, kind, interested in shared experiences, good conversationalist, and others you know to be true.
2. Choose one item on the list and write a brief essay about how you manifest this ability and why you feel it is important (a paragraph or
two should do).
3. Write a brief essay about each of the attributes on your list-one each day-until you’ve completed the list. Feel free to add items to the list as they occur to you (try to come up with at least 10-15 items).
Affirming aspects of yourself that you know R true is a proven way 2 boost your self-esteem authentically.~Guy Winch http://t.co/KWmjnbdnEF
— Anne-Sophie (@theannesophie) September 27, 2013
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As always, I want to hear from you: what are your experiences with positive affirmations? Do they work for you or not? Have you tried different ways of affirming yourself? Share your thoughts below.
Much love,
Anne-Sophie
Great video, Anne-Sophie! I agree with what you said — sometimes, we just feel too cruddy to use positive affirmations.
One thing I have tried is using my logic to help me. For example, a little over a year ago, I wanted to try the affirmation “All my interactions with people are positive and uplifting.” Each time before I say it, I remind myself of a time when I met a stranger and had a nice conversation, or had an amazing time with my new roommate, or whatever. *Then* I say the affirmation, and it strikes a chord in me, because it is true! In that way, the affirmation really gains power and I gotta say, all my interactions really ARE positive and uplifting! I never run into grumpy people and even those who are typically grumpy are always in a good mood when they interact with me. So, it might be something to keep in mind… if you can convince yourself with facts about something that is undeniably true (like you said), then it works better. Then, you might be able to stretch it a little and your brain will be okay with that! 🙂 Hope that makes sense!
Hey Teresa, that makes perfect sense and is a great tip. Relying on past experiences is a great way of validating one’s worth and ability. Thanks for sharing this here.