Whenever you gain weight, there’s this fear that others will judge you.
It’s almost worse than the weight gain itself.
One of the first thoughts after realizing that your pants don’t really fit anymore is: Oh man, what will X,Y,Z think? They’ll notice and talk about me behind my back. They’ll think I’m lazy, uncontrolled and have let myself go. They’ll know that I’m weak.
There’s a massive amount of shame attached to not looking up to par (meaning not matching our insane beauty ideal) and to having a body that is ever-changing.
It’s true, some people will notice your weight gain and they’ll think nasty thoughts or even gossip behind your back. Let’s be honest, most of us have done it, right? Whether it was before we got body-conscious and joined the body-positive movement or after, it doesn’t really matter. It’s a thing most humans (at least those of us living in the Western world) do.
That’s why it’s so important to build a certain level of resiliency, to find self-confidence and self-worth in who you are and not in your body.
The truth is that there are a gazillion different reasons why we might gain weight and all of them are valid. The truth also is that your body doesn’t define who you are. It’s only you who can put a ton of value on your body and therefor decide that you’re defined by your shape and looks.
So, how can you deal with the painful feeling of being looked down upon because of your body?
Investigate the belief
Do you actually know that others are judging you or is it all in your head?
Even if you know that your friends have gossiped about others before, how do you know they’re actually doing it now? Do you have evidence? Proof? Or is it all a figment of your imagination?
You are the one who hurts yourself the most and often, you only want to believe others judge you, so you can continue to beat yourself up (yup, that’s how our brains work). If that’s the case, go deep in your questioning and see if there’s any merit to what you feel in your body and think in your mind.
If you realize that it was all in your head, brilliant. You’re free.
If you find proof that it’s true, you can take action and continue to go down the list.
Turn a blind eye to it
One of the most powerful ways to overcome this fear of being judged by others is to turn a blind eye to it. This might mean, limiting your conversations with people who your know are judgemental and superficial.
If you are the one who always compares herself and the most painful judgment is happening in your own mind, then shut down all social media channels, don’t click on the news reports about celebrities’ newly slimmed down bodies or their beautiful beach vacation photos and instead engage in body positive activities.
This takes willpower and commitment, but it’s worth it.
Fake it
So, you’re walking down the hall and you believe you feel the darts in your back, people are whispering (or so you think) and you wish you could go back to the time when you believed that by closing your eyes, you’re invisible. Remember that? Oh, how blissful that was.
Well, you can’t and so the only thing left to do except for breaking down is to fake it. Put your head up, your shoulders back, and strut as if you were the most beautiful and confident Self.
Just do it. Be confident. Fake it.
Have the conversation
If there’s one particular person whose judgment you fear, then it’s time for a real heart-to-heart conversation. Yes, this is scary – I never said learning to accept your body was easy -, but you can do it.
Tell that person what you’re feeling, what you’re scared of, what you believe you notice. Be kind and honest. And then listen to what that person has to say. Really listen and don’t disbelieve when she tells you that you’re wrong.
Feel the feeling
This one is the biggie. In the end, you have to feel the fear. You have to scan your body and see where it sits, what it feels like, looks like, sounds like. You have to really, really listen to it on an intimate level and sit with it for minutes, sometimes hours.
When the feeling gets too overwhelming, breathe into it. Just 90 seconds can help with that. Take deep, long breaths and breathe into that area of your body that feels the pain.
Keep on practicing and you’ll transform this feeling from fear to love.
