Are you scared of disappointing a loved one should you gain more weight?
Or gain the weight back?
Or not lose it at all?
Are you terrified of their judgment?
Their disapproving eyes?
Their thoughts and their words?
If you are, then this is for you:
You are not responsible for other people’s feelings.
Nor are you responsible for their happiness.
How much you weigh,
whether you lose or gain another pound,
is none of their business.
None of their concern.
You are the one who lives in your body.
You are the one who lives your life.
You are the one who wakes up feeling miserable, scared of facing the scale just one more time.
You are the one who has forgotten what it’s like to start your week without a new diet,
to live your years without measuring them in weight.
You are allowed to make peace with food, your body and yourself.
No matter what your mom, your dad, your best friend or your favorite aunt may think.
It’s your body.
Your life.
Your happiness and well-being.
Even if you and that special person have been engaging in some kind of co-dependent weight cycling lifestyle from the moment you were born,
you are not required to meet her approval – to validate her effort.
Even if you and that special person have been dreaming of you having a thinner body for decades and have been fighting for your weight loss goals with millions of tears,
you are not required to continue walking down this road.
Even if you want to make that special person so so so happy and proud,
you are not required to destroy your life.
That special person, if it really is a special person, will love you whether you weigh 25 pounds more or less.
That special person, if it really is a special person, will be by your side – and proud – whether you wear a size X or Z.
That special person, if it really is a special person, will focus on you – not your body or your shape.
And if you feel that this special person won’t love you anymore, it’s not a person to keep around.
You are not required to be thin in order to stand up to someone, to be proud, to say what you mean and to be happy and joyous in front of the people who’ve always made it about the weight.
I know you know that, but do you?
Do you really know that you do not have to weigh a certain weight to please others?
Just as you do not have to a have a “perfectly” shaped nose to make people love you.
It’s YOUR body and the ONLY person – let me repeat that: the ONLY person in the world – who needs to feel well in her body is YOU.
No other person needs to be made happy with YOUR body.
If they love your body because it is a part of you, great.
If they don’t like it, they’re not your people.
They don’t deserve to be in your life – and YOU don’t need to surround yourself with them.
You just don’t have to sink so so low.
Ever.
So, if you disappoint your mom because she always thought you could be thin?
It’s her problem. Her issue to work on.
Your body is not a tool to make her happy or validate her life.
So, if you will never be “thin enough” to stand up to your aunt who’s always looked down on you?
Work on your real struggle and heal your feeling of unworthiness –
or just stand up to her nastiness right now and see how it feels.
You’ll never make her see her shallowness – but you don’t have to engage her in it.
So, if your high school teacher never sees you lose the 30 pounds he’s been wanting you to lose since you were 16?
His loss.
So, if your doctor never gets the satisfaction of successfully having shamed you into having a “normal” BMI?
His ignorance.
All of this is challenging, that’s for sure.
After all, you’ve been dreaming of the day you walk into your grandma’s house all skinny and lean, making her gasp and FINALLY seeing the real you, right?
After all, you’ve been visualizing the night when you walk into that fancy restaurant sporting a size 2 and everybody’s eyes turn to see your hot body, right?
After all, all of your life, you’ve been holding on to the idea that once you are thin, people will finally see who you have always been.
They’ll finally respect your more.
Love you for the very first time.
Well, again, they may or they may not. But if they only love you, respect you, see you when you have forced your body into a shape it’s not meant to be in, they are not the people you want in your life.
The fact is that there will always be people who won’t really like you, who’ll be hostile to you, whose approval you won’t get. Having a thin body, losing 100 pounds, having visible abs, won’t do a thing to change their minds.
Your weight, your body, your fat will never make a difference in whether the people who are meant to be in your life will love you or not.
So, cut the co-dependency.
Release the need to please others by showing them that you can lose the weight and keep it off.
Release the need to please yourself by showing yourself that you are worthy by losing weight.
And instead:
Heal your life.
Heal your heart.
Heal your emotions.
Surrender to life.
Surrender to your heartaches.
Surrender to your emotions.
Release and let go of the belief that you will be different once you are thin.
Release and let go of the belief that you will finally be worthy of love, of happiness, of joy once you are thin.
Release and let go of the dream that this one special person will finally approve of you once you are thin.
It hurts.
Going on diets is easier.
But it’ll continue to hurt –
until you acknowledge that all along, you were just running from the truth, from yourself, from your life.
