There’s a lot of talk about how to change your relationship with food in order to finally be free, happy and healthy and it got me thinking:

Do we have to have a relationship with food?

Whether good or bad, is a relationship with food healthy and even sane?

I say NO.

You see, the more connected we are with something that is so basic, though super yummy, the more we’ll think about it, talk about it and, yes, obsess about it.

Clients often come to me in agony because they simply cannot stop thinking about food. They are in such a deep, dysfunctional relationship with food that nothing else really matters in their lives.

And I get that. I used to be the same way.

I used to obsess over every calorie, every crumb of bread I put into my mouth. When I slipped and ate even one bite more than my “rules” allowed, I’d freak out and I wouldn’t be able to focus on anything but how to make up for my mistake. It would take  up so much energy, so much joy, so much of myself that life, really, was not worth living.

Unfortunately, that’s how my clients feel too. They just can’t shake the feeling that if only they’d be able to transform their relationship with food to one of sanity, they’d finally be happy, enjoy life again, and – mostly – lose the weight that keeps them from feeling free. Yet, they still want to have that relationship, that connection that seems to give them security, comfort and – in a weird way – joy. Ultimately, they still want to stay imprisoned.

That’s why I say that if you are in a relationship with food, it’s time to detach, not transform, it’s time to let go, not change, it’s time to create space, not stay close.

And if you do, you’ll finally begin having a relationship with yourself.

Because that’s what you’re missing out on, aren’t you? You’re not taking care of yourself when you think about food 24/7. You’re not being kind to yourself when you shame yourself into losing weight over and over and over again. You’re not really going to start living if you just change your inner dialogue about food from one of hatred to one of love.

Don’t get me wrong, it is essential to do that, but it’s not the ultimate way to a life without food obsession. It won’t help you to free yourself completely from the dieting world. It won’t give you the chance to be present with your family, your young children, your kickass career. It won’t give you what you truly want: to stop thinking about food, goddammit! Because even if you think about it in a loving, kind way, you still think about it. All. The. Time.

So, in the end, simply changing your relationship status with food won’t let you heal completely. {Click to Tweet} 

And only if you heal, you’ll find peace.

The next time you’ll find yourself wanting to transform your relationship with food, STOP. Take a big breath and think about how to begin being in a loving, kind and fun relationship with the wonderful person you are.

That’s what we’ll talk about it the next post, so stay tuned.