Are you currently working on boosting your self-esteem?
Do you do every imaginable self-esteem challenge to feel better, be better, look better, be happier and more successful?
If so, you might be in for some trouble.
You’re probably focusing on improving life’s outside factors such as your job performance, losing weight, sticking to a training schedule, succeeding in your relationship etc. and you completely forget that you can’t really control all these things all the time because, guess what, life happens, emotions change, you change!
So instead of feeling better, you actually feel worse because all you do is criticize yourself and blame yourself for not meeting your high standards.
You’re basically bullying yourself into trying to have a higher self-esteem.
And we all know that that doesn’t work, right?
However, there’s a better way to find peace of mind, success, love in life AND have more self-esteem at the same time.
What’s this miraculous elixir you ask?
Self-compassion!
Self-compassion is the only way to make lasting changes in your life and feeling great about the person you are.
According to Kristin Neff, Ph.D., author of Self-Compassion: Stop Beating Yourself Up and Leave Insecurity Behind, practicing self-compassion will help you feel less depressed, less anxious, less attacked by your own thoughts and so much more.
Watch today’s edition of Love Yourself Friday to find out how you can apply self-compassion in your life and find true happiness and success.
Remember, the cool thing is that self-esteem and self-compassion go together. The kinder and more compassionate you are towards yourself, the more self-esteem you’ll have. It’s a win-win situation, really.
If you want to test how self-compassionate you really are, check out this test (http://www.self-compassion.org/test-your-self-compassion-level.html). It’s fun and it’ll give you an idea of how self-compassionate you already are.
If you want to improve your self-compassion practice through guided meditations, this site has some great ones you can us: http://www.self-compassion.org/guided-self-compassion-meditations-mp3.html
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In the comment section below, tell us what you think about self-esteem and self-compassion. Are you kind to yourself or do you beat yourself up all the time? I would love to hear from you.
Much love,
Anne-Sophie
anne— Hi… i have missed talking to you. There has been alot going on over here. This was a good one. Difficult too. Self esteem comes from the positive and negative cognitions that we have received and stored over our lifetime and sometimes we buy so far into the negative ones that it is really hard to get our self esteem back up to a level to where we even “like” ourselves. having compassion for ourselves i think is hard too because if we have low self esteem…. or if we “dont like ourself” it is going to be very difficult to be compassionate to ourself as well. These things both take much practice, and patience… and a lot of work!! But, are well worth the effort. I do agree with the mindfulness part and allowing yourself to actually “feel” things that happen. Until this week, if something would happen around me or to me that was upsetting or bad, i would dissociate from it, block it out. i would not feel it at all. My mind would protect me from it. It was like my other personality that i have who protected me when i was abused in the past, will take over during the stressful times, and not allow me to go through pain. it is just an automatic response. This month has been a really bad month, i have been really low…. and back into the pit of hell of wanting out of life. that is how low. On the 21st of september i had thoughts of suicide a few days later i was on my phone on an app that was a suicide prevention hotline texting a professional …. on the 29th of september a close family friend committed suicide. i found out on the 30th. and this past week i hit bottom… i saw myself and reality set in and for the first ever the other personality inside did not take over… i was allowed to “feel” everything inside of me… all week. it has hurt like hell. Knowing that a few months back had i not i failed, it would have been my kids finding me… like his son found him…. this all hit me. I saw myself in him this week… i saw my future, my death. And for the first since i was 16, I didn’t want to die…. I wanted to live. and as much as i have felt alone and lost at the funeral friday, i had seen an old pastor from my dads church there, and i asked if i could talk to him… i told him everything…. and i cried so hard. i told him about my attempts; how this mans death made me feel, how i saw me….my guilt… told it all. i couldn’t hold it in any longer. For the time, i FELT everything i had blocked out for years. and on the way back home, i stopped in to my therapist office… and saw her… told her. and then for the first time ever in 27 years, i told my husband everything i have kept from him. then i crashed from exhaustion at 7pm….. and the next day, the tears were gone. so you are right, being mindful is a good thing… blocking it out seems like you are doing a good thing, but you aren’t… you are only prolonging the hurt. now, i just have to work on the rest!
Wow, Karen. First of all, I’m so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine how hard this must have been, but I’m so very proud of you for feeling your feelings, for letting help in, for sharing your pain and for no longer just holding everything in, imploding slowly. I feel that this was a big breakthrough for you. I’m sending you all my love.