Before I was a mommy, I wrote a lot about very elaborate self-care practices that nourish your entire being and give you the resources you need to step into your highest self. *
Now, however, that I am a mom and my “real” life has begun, my eyes are wide open and I realize that self-care ain’t all that easy if you are not always in control of what’s going on.
I’ve been feeling rueful for not putting myself first all the time. But I just don’t know how and I don’t even want to. Johann is still so small and he needs my attention and care. It’s fun and it’s who I am now. Yet there are moments when I notice that my lack of a consistent self-care practice is having an impact on my behavior and feeling state; I cry easier, feel overwhelmed faster, worry so much more, forget about the abundance in my life and am just not as balanced as I believe I could be. And the guilt of not meditating, doing yoga, journaling as much as I used to or simply taking time for myself is killing me.
So, if you’re in my boat and don’t know how to even have 5 minutes to yourself in an entire week, here are some tips that’ll make self-care possible and take the guilt away.
1. Do the easiest
Yes, there are many blog posts out there (even my own) that talk about beautiful, soul-nourishing, heart-opening, mind-blowing self-care practices that help to elevate your entire life. Most of them, however, take lots of time and are just not possible for those of us who are managing more than just our own life.
What’s been saving me since I’ve had Johann is to acknowledge that the easy can be just as nurturing as the hour-long meditation sessions that I used to do in the past.
There are so many ways of practicing self-care that only take a moment: look around and see the beauty surrounding you, take 3 deep belly breaths, cuddle your pet, hug yourself, close your eyes and feel your body, be silent for just a little longer, notice when you’re stressed (just become aware of it), say “thank you” to yourself, say “I love you” to the reflection in the mirror, say “I’m sorry” to your body, cut yourself a lot of slack, join in the senseless fun that your child is engaging in or eat a piece of fresh fruit using all your senses.
The possibilities are endless. You just have to open your heart and mind.
2. Be content with the little
So, you’re doing the easiest but you don’t feel like it’s enough? Well, then it won’t nurture your soul. You have to find a way of being truly content with the “little” you’re doing. If you stress out about not doing more, you’re working against yourself and the beautiful things you’re doing will not have an effect at all.
The little is enough. If you keep at it, you’ll see how much it helps, relieves and rejuvenates you. Love yourself into it and see that little will over time be plenty.
3. Don’t stress yourself
Stressing yourself into practicing self-care is the exact opposite of what you want to achieve: self-care is a way of relaxing your systems and creating an attitude that is self-honoring.
So, if even the easiest and the little are not do-able, then don’t do them. If you find it stressful to even think about self-care practices and you are riding the wave of life just fine right now, that’s great. Don’t put guilt on top of what is working. There’ll be other phases in your life when self-care can easily be a priority. Right now may just not be that chapter.
The more you accept that, the more of a self-care master you’ll be. Because – here’s the secret – not stressing out about life in general is one of the highest forms of self-care ever.
4. Realize that being a mommy is a spiritual practice in its own right
In a way, being a mom, taking care of kids, loving others more than you could’ve ever imagined is self-care through and through.Being a mom teaches you about being flexible, doesn’t it? How many times a day do you change plans or interrupt something you’ve wanted to do because of someone yelling “mommy” or tugging at your leg? Staying clam and grounded in that is a very deep kind of self-care.
Motherhood heightens your intuition like nothing else. {Click to tweet}
I don’t think that a thousand hours of meditation could’ve taught me to listen to my senses and my body as much as I rely on it these days. My body knows what Johann is up to almost before he himself knows it. My body senses when something’s not right. My intuition is always on – and so is yours. Honor that beautiful part of motherhood as a way of self-care and self-love too.
5. Don’t compare to other moms
As Theodore Roosevelt said it: Comparison is the thief of joy. And joy and taking care of the Self go hand in hand.
Comparison can turn a perfect moment, thought or day into hell. Comparing yourself to what you think other moms do doesn’t help you at all. All it does is make you feel bad, small, ashamed or disempowered. None of these feelings elevate you or your life. So, stop. Look inward instead of outward and see what you need.
Oh and especially DON’T COMPARE YOURSELF TO SINGLE WOMEN. I’ve noticed I do that all the time. Yes, they have jobs and a life and I don’t want to put down their lives AT ALL, but they don’t have children and so their situation is different for sure. If you think you can get as much self-care done as you’ve been able to do before you were a mommy or as much as your super-awesome-best-friend-who-is-no-mommy-yet can, then you’re just a little bit crazy. It’s just not going to happen. Accept it, lovely.
6. Take as much as you get and let it go
If you can get in 3 minutes of yoga in the morning or have the time to write down 2 things you’re grateful for in this moment, that’s fantastic. If that’s all you can do, celebrate it.
Don’t mourn what hasn’t happened and won’t happen. Don’t yearn for more when reality is painting a different picture. Every little bit counts.
7. Do something fancy when you can
Treat yourself to something fancy when you have the chance. I went to a Pentatonix concert with my sister and it was incredible. It definitely nourished my entire being to be away from my son and my regular life for a couple of hours.
Try to schedule a date night with yourself every once in a while – even if it’s just once a year. Or go out for a drink with your girlfriends, get out of the house, dress up, put some make up on and be a woman instead of a mommy for a just few hours.
8. Don’t try to be more of a super mom than you already are
In my mind, every single mommy is a super mom. How can you not be? Look at all the incredible things you do daily and look at what you’ve done to even become a mom: you’ve given birth to a human being.
So, you’re a super hero to me in all terms. You don’t have to do more to be more. You already are more. {Click to tweet}
So, dearest super mommy, define self-care the way you want to define it and do what’s doable for you. And whatever that is is simple perfection.
*I feel like I owe you moms an apology for these posts of the past… 😉
