Love bug,
The other day, when you told me you wanted to go running with me, my heart did a little dance of joy. Running together sounds like the perfect way to bond, share some laughs, and enjoy the fresh air. But then you mentioned you felt unhappy about your body. That’s when my heart sank. You’re only 9, and those words echoed the beginning of my own struggles with eating disorders at your age.
Let’s take a minute to talk about this, okay?
First off, I want to tell you how much I love you. You are amazing just the way you are. Your kindness, your energy, and your sense of humor make you unique. Your body is just one part of who you are, and it’s doing incredible things for you every day. It’s important for you to know this because the world sometimes sends confusing messages about what it means to be healthy and happy.
Understanding Your Feelings
Feeling like you’re not enough or that you need to change can be tough. Believe me, I know. When I was your age, I started feeling the same way, and it led me down a challenging path. My struggle with eating and body image took years to overcome, and I want to help you avoid that.
Your body is growing and changing, which can feel awkward or uncomfortable at times. But every kid goes through this. It’s a part of growing up. Feeling like you need to change is common, but it’s not always about your body. Sometimes, it’s about how we’re feeling inside. Let’s talk about what might be bothering you. Are you feeling stressed, or is something else making you feel bad about yourself?
The Inner Critic
Everyone has an inner voice that sometimes says mean things about themselves. This voice can make us doubt ourselves and feel insecure. It’s called the inner critic, and it’s something everyone deals with, even adults. It’s important to recognize this voice and understand that it’s not always right. Just because you think something negative about yourself doesn’t make it true.
When I was your age, my inner critic was loud and persistent. It told me I wasn’t good enough, thin enough, or pretty enough. Over time, I learned to challenge this voice and replace it with kinder, more supportive thoughts. You can do this too. Whenever you hear that inner critic, remind yourself of all the wonderful things you are and all the great things you can do.
The Power of Movement
I’m thrilled you want to run with me. Moving your body can be an incredible way to feel good, both inside and out. It’s not just about how our bodies look but how we feel. Moving our bodies releases endorphins—those feel-good chemicals in our brains that can make us happier and more relaxed.
But I want you to move because it makes you feel strong and happy, not because you feel you need to change your body. Exercise is about joy, strength, and health, not punishment or trying to fit into a certain mold. Let’s explore different types of movement together. Whether it’s running, biking, swimming, or even dancing around the living room, the key is to find something you love. When exercise is fun, it doesn’t feel like a chore. It becomes a part of your life that you look forward to, rather than something you feel obligated to do.
Body Image and Self-Worth
Now, let’s talk about the other part. When you said you felt “too fat,” it hit me hard. Not because of what you think and feel about your body, but because it showed me that even at nine, you’re already feeling the pressures of societal standards and the harsh judgments that come with them.
Here’s something incredibly important I need you to understand: Your worth is not tied to the number on a scale or the size of your jeans. You are an amazing, vibrant, intelligent, and kind-hearted person, and those qualities are what truly matter. Your body is the vessel that carries your remarkable self through life, and it deserves to be treated with love and respect.
When I was your age, I didn’t understand this. I let the opinions of others and my own distorted self-perceptions dictate how I felt about myself. I began to equate thinness with worthiness, thinking that if I could just lose a little more weight, I’d be happier, more accepted, more loved. But it never worked that way. Instead, I was trapped in a cycle of self-loathing and destructive behaviors that took years to overcome.
Embracing Your Uniqueness
Every person is unique, and that’s what makes the world interesting. Imagine if everyone looked and acted the same—how boring that would be! Your differences are what make you special. Celebrate them. Embrace the things that make you, you.
Building a Healthy Relationship with Your Body
When you said you wanted to change your body, it brought up a lot of memories for me. I don’t want you to go through what I did. My journey with eating disorders started with similar feelings and thoughts. It took years of struggle, therapy, and learning to love myself to overcome it. I want to help you avoid that path.
Instead, let’s focus on the positive aspects of life and ourselves. Let’s celebrate what our bodies can do, not criticize them for what they aren’t. Moving your body should be about joy, not punishment. Our legs can carry us across miles, our lungs can fill with air and fuel our muscles, and our hearts can pump blood to keep us going. These are incredible things worthy of celebration.
Let’s also build a healthy relationship with food, one that’s based on love and respect for our bodies. Food is not the enemy. It’s fuel, and it’s also a source of pleasure, comfort, and community. We’ll learn to listen to our bodies, eat when we’re hungry, and stop when we’ve had enough.
Finally, let’s practice kindness in the way we talk to ourselves. Whenever that inner critic pipes up, remind yourself of your strengths and all the wonderful things you bring to the world.
Support and Goals
You’re strong, smart, and capable of amazing things. Focus on your strengths and what makes you unique. When you feel good about yourself, it shows, and people are drawn to confidence and kindness.
Setting and achieving goals can help build confidence. Let’s set some goals together—both big and small. Whether it’s moving a certain distance, learning a new skill, or reading a certain number of books, achieving these goals can boost your self-esteem and show you how capable you are.
Remember, you’re not alone. I’m here for you, always. If you ever feel bad about yourself or need to talk, I’m here to listen. We can work through these feelings together. There’s nothing you can’t tell me.
Practicing What I Preach
I will continue to practice self-care, speak kindly about myself, and make healthy choices. By doing this, I hope to show you that loving and taking care of yourself is a lifelong journey. We’re in this together, and I’m committed to leading by example.
Celebrating Our Journey
Growing up means a lot of changes, and that can be overwhelming. But we’ll face the challenges and celebrate the victories together. Each step forward is a reason to be proud, no matter how big or small.
You are loved, you are valued, and you are enough just as you are. Let’s embrace our bodies, take care of them, and appreciate all the amazing things they do for us. Together, we can create a positive, healthy, and happy life.
With all my love,
Mommy
Postscript: A Note for Other Parents
If you’re reading this and have a child who’s expressed similar feelings, know that you’re not alone. It can be heart-wrenching to hear your child struggle with body image issues at such a young age. But open communication, empathy, and support can make a huge difference.
Encourage your child to talk about their feelings, and listen without judgment. Help them develop a healthy relationship with food and exercise. And most importantly, remind them of their inherent worth, independent of their appearance.
We have the power to break the cycle and foster a positive, supportive environment for our children. Let’s lead by example and show them that their value lies in who they are, not how they look.
Resources and Tools for Parents and Children
I want to provide some practical resources and tools to support parents and children in developing healthy body images and self-worth.
Books for Parents and Children:
- “No Body’s Perfect Worksheets” – This comprehensive set of worksheets addresses body image and mental health in children. The exercises focus on self-worth, media literacy, and countering negative thoughts about body image
- “The Body Image Workbook for Teens” by Julia V. Taylor – A guide for teens to build a positive body image through reflective exercises and activities.
- “365 Journaling Prompts for Body Confidence and Self-Love” – This resource offers self-reflective prompts to explore feelings about body image and nurture self-acceptance. Journaling is an effective tool for emotional growth and self-confidence
Online Resources and Communities:
- Body Happy Org – Offers free resources like the “Body Happy Week Planner” and “Self-Care Toolkit” for parents to help children nurture positive body esteem through fun activities and affirmations
- National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA) – Provides support and educational resources on body image issues, with tips for fostering open conversations with children.
- Finally Free – Guided Meditations for Freedom from Emotional Eating – A meditation set designed to break the cycle of emotional eating and promote a balanced relationship with food
Mindfulness and Self-Compassion Practices:
- Mindful Moments Glitter Jar – A calming mindfulness tool that helps children slow down and connect with their bodies and emotions
- Positive Body Image Journal – A journaling activity where children reflect on what they appreciate about their bodies, encouraging positive thinking and self-love
- 101 Body Respect Affirmations – This 70-minute audio resource provides affirmations designed to foster body respect and shift focus away from appearance-based validation
- 13 Rituals to Heal Body Image – This resource offers daily rituals, such as practicing gratitude and mindful movement, to help parents and children foster a positive relationship with their bodies
Workshops and Interactive Tools:
- Body Image Worksheets – Worksheets designed for teens and adults to explore how social media impacts body image, self-worth and adressing negative thoughts
- Body Diversity Celebrations – A creative activity where children create collages representing different body types and abilities, emphasizing that all bodies are valuable
Final Thoughts
Writing this open letter has been a deeply reflective and emotional experience. It actually took me 3 months to sit down and express my feelings. It has reminded me of the importance of addressing body image issues early and fostering a positive, supportive environment for our children. As parents, we have the power to shape our children’s perceptions of themselves and to guide them toward a path of self-love and acceptance.
Let’s commit to being there for our children, to listening to their concerns, and to empowering them to embrace their unique selves. Together, we can create a world where every child feels valued, confident, and loved just as they are.
