Has your partner ever told you – blatantly or indirectly – that he thinks you’re fat, or made cruel remarks about your physique? Unfortunately, I’ve been there.
My ex would endlessly comment on my weight and how “deformed” my butt looked – painful words that left me feeling inferior in a destructive relationship for far too long.
However, with time came strength; eventually I was able to stand up for myself and get out of the dysfunctional cycle.
While these were some dark years, this relationship taught me a lot about how to feel comfortable with yourself and your body even when your partner doesn’t.
Check out today’s edition of Love Yourself Friday to learn how you can take care of yourself and your self-esteem in a relationship that is abusive.
Check in with yourself
How are you truly feeling now that he said that? How has your view of your body changed – if at all? Honor your feelings as much as you can and don’t push them aside.
Seek a clarifying conversation
Maybe it was just a misunderstanding? A stupid joke? Or maybe there’s something deeper? Tell your partner that this comment was unkind and hurt you and that you’d appreciate if your relationship were based on different values.
You might be surprised at the outcome of this conversation.
Take a time out
Go to a spa, spend a weekend with a girlfriend or simply go for a walk to nurture the true values of life.
Focus on body-acceptance work
Negative comments about your weight, body or shape from someone you love and care about really sting. It’s super important than to continuously focus on doing body-love work. Journal, wear what you want, meditate, check in with your body etc. in order to love yourself up and nourish your self-esteem again.
Ask yourself: Is this really worth it?
When comments like “you’re fat” or “you’ve gained a lot of weight” or “I don’t like the way you look” become more and more frequent, it’s time to make a decision. Is this relationship really working? Does it cause you more harm than good? If this is causing you deep pain, then it might be best to go.
Know that you are BEAUTIFUL – no matter what
No matter what your boyfriend or partner says, remind yourself that you are beautiful – on the inside and out.
Have you ever been in a relationship where your partner verbally abused you? If so, how did you handle it? share your thoughts in the comment section below.
Love and light,
Anne-Sophie
Anne, he has on occasion , but not very often made comments. He has been very careful. It was when he got caught that he stopped and I think that is why now, when I NEED him to HELP me…. to SAY something to me he doesn’t. I know it is the opposite spectrum, but he needs to, and he wont… or he says something so vague that it isn’t the right thing and I don’t get the paraphrase that he is trying to tell me…. it isn’t the “HEY HONEY>>>> YOU NEED TO GAIN WEIGHT” He needs to be point blank. Other times he isn’t worried about hurting my feelings, so why now? And honestly, in those other times it wasn’t so bad, but now it is worse because now he is awful with what he says to me. It isn’t like when a man would say “looking a bit chunky aren’t you?” or “you better watch what you eat”… when the woman clearly is not an ounce over weight at all… mine is denying that mental illness exists at all… that anorexia is real, saying I am too old for this that I need to get with the program and that he doesn’t understand what is wrong with me. And refuses to talk to my therapist…. refuses to SEE anything for what it is. All he sees is that my weight is the same as it was when I went to treatment… but FAILS to see how much progress I have made in so many areas…. that I am NOT SICK like I was… I am not SICK at all… I am healthy! he told me I haven’t learned a thing at all… I am back to where I was three years ago…( he doesn’t even know it was four!!! see he doesn’t pay attention) said I don’t know how to function in life or in a family. So in my eyes… I am thinking I would rather him comment about me being too fat, having too many rolls. Because he is tearing me down… making me not want to be here at all…. and I can’t stand it. I am glad I leave tomorrow. I am at least escaping for a week to clear my head.
Karen, have you ever told him how you feel? He might not know because it is certainly a tricky situation. If you can, try to have a conversation with him telling him what you need to hear right now and how he can best support you. I’m sure it’d do wonders.
Anne, my heart literally sank and cringed when I read this a few days ago. Quite frankly, I have no word, and had no idea you were ever in such a compromising situation with a “love”partner. You are so incredibly strong for choosing yourself over this, all the more respect to you.
Karen: I hope you can talk to your T about this. Listen to your heart. You are worth gaining the weight back, and you are doing it for YOU, not anyone else. But you are also worth all the support in the world, and if people don’t agree with that, maybe they’re not worth it. Stay strong!
Thanks, sweetie.
Thank you Anne Sophie. I really needed this. You seem very open and loving and thanks for your advice.
Hey Kay, I’m glad to hear this video helped. It’s not an easy situation to be in, but whatever you’re going through, don’t let anyone tell you that your body isn’t good enough or thin enough or perfect enough. xxx
how BRAVE! well done, wow, it is an example of courage and self-respect, thank you so much, Anne Sophie, thank you for sharing
Sure thing! Thanks for commenting, Mercedes. Sending you love.