9 years ago today, I woke up to a beautiful sunny day.
I had just returned from a trip of a lifetime to attend a LOST finale party in LA (yup, I was THAT kind of a fan…), I had secured a trainee position to become a nurse at a presitge hospital here in Germany and life seemed to be heading in the right direction.
FINALLY!
And then it ALL turned out completely differently.
Kinda all in one day.
You see, I was staying at my parents’ place before moving to my new home and my brother was home from uni.
That day, although most days with him around were bad, was extreme.
He was violent in ways that I’ve never been able to put into words – towards my sister and myself.
We literally fled the house that day and I never went back.
Instead I wakled right into the arms of a guy…
got married within 6 weeks,
never started that nursing job,
never studied to become a doctor like I’d planned,
went into treatment for anorexia instead,
separated from the guy,
went back to him,
moved to NYC,
went back to the guy to suffer more abuse,
finally had the courage to take the step to leave him for real…
only to find out I was pregnant a day later.
That day, 9 years ago, changed my life into a direction I could’ve never planned.
But that’s the point, right?
Life is what happens while you’re busy making plans or something like that.
And while I sometimes still wish I wouldn’t have chosen the guy, I KNOW that at that moment, I couldn’t have chosen differently.
There was no other place for me.
There was no other SAFE place for me.
In a way, it’s incredible that I knew it – although I didn’t know, but I kinda did – and went for it.
I went all in and gave my new life my all.
I’m still ALL IN, still surfing on the ways of life that never EVER seem to go the way I WANT them to, but they present themselves in the way the HAVE to: for me to grow, to learn, to get closer to myself and stand in my real, authentic power.
Some days are days where your destiny changes – depending on the steps you take, on the decisions you make.
Is today the day you are going to say NO to dieting?
Is today the day you are going to get your own bank account?
Is today the day you are finally quitting your job?
Is today the day you are taking the necessary SAFE steps to leave your abusive husband?
Is today the day you are investing in your healing?
Is today the day you are finally starting to take resonsibility for your life?
Is today the day you are taking action?
Is today the day?
Or are you willing to keep on dreaming, wishing, yearning, praying for someone else to save you, hold you close and put you on that white horse in order to ride into the sunset?
Are you willing to continue living like that for the rest of time?
Knowing that nothing will change?
OK, I lied to you.
I actually COULD have chosen differently.
I COULD have taken responsibility and instead of running away from my brother, I could’ve done what my sister did: let the situation cool off, breathe and plan the next steps in order to be both safe from abuse and at the same time not place my destiny into the arms of a man.
Yes, I eventually did. I learned to take myself seriously.
I learned to value and respect myself.
I learned what I needed to thrive on my own and yes, had I not followed the guy, I woudln’t have the little peanut that brings me so much joy and is the light of my life.
But all of this happened because I gave away my life to someone else – when I didn’t have to.
Because we never need to, ladies.
We CAN save our selves.
But we have to DO it.
Without excuses.
Without ping ponging back and forth.
Instead, going ALL IN.
Kinda RIGHT NOW.
Your destiny depends on it.
If you’re ready to take your life to the next level, then let’s talk. Send me a message at [email protected] and we’ll see how to make those changes happen as quickly and swiftly AND profoundly as possible.
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9 years?! Seriously?
