You can have beautiful moments in life
magical memories of the day
ridiculously much fun
blissfully relaxing breaks
and date nights with friends
without everything needing to be about food.
You can live your life
You can love your world
You can feel your heart
You can be yourself
without food needing to punctuate every memory you’ll ever make.
Food – as great as it is –
is not the only way for you to live your life.
Food – as fun as it is –
is not the only way for moments to be special.
For afternoons to be magnificent.
For freedom to be had.
Yes, when you break out of diet prison
and slowly escape decades of oppression
fear
and shame
you’ll want to eat all the time.
You’ll want to rebel.
You’ll want to do what you’ve never ever allowed yourself to enjoy.
And you’ll go for it.
Nothing wrong in that.
Until you realize that eating five muffins
or 10 boxes of chocolate
won’t make that morning ritual any more fun.
Instead, it slows you down,
give you heartburn,
zips your energy from every fiber of your being.
What you’ve wanted to achieve: creating the ultimate memory to keep for the rest of your life –
doesn’t work anymore.
It doesn’t give you that fulfillment that you seek,
that love you crave for.
What you’ve wanted to have forever: love, love, love.
Protection, maybe.
Even safety.
Won’t be delivered to you with the ham sandwich you don’t really want to eat because you’re already stuffed.
The 5th hot chocolate on the super hot summer day that you just have to drink because – well, why? – you need to have something in your belly, something warm,
or the permission to slow down and just be –
is not going to heal your open wounds.
The belief that food is the only way to have a special life is the belief that will ultimately keep you from living that special life.
Just as the toxic thoughts that being thin will give you ultimate happiness is going to blow up in your face.
It doesn’t work that way.
Many have tried.
This girl here has done it for decades in every direction,
back and forth,
up and down,
to hell and back.
It never worked.
When I ate everything in sight all day long:
the french fries three times a day
the pizza with mayonnaise twelve times a week
the burgers every other day
the whole cakes
the never-ending boxes of ice-cream
the health food because it all had to stop
the bretzels with whipped cream
the daily Frappuccinos
the all-consuming everything that food was
it was pure hell.
Just as the never eating,
the always hungry,
the always terrified of gaining weight,
of taking one wrong step,
of giving in to another piece of carrot,
the terror
the shame
the glee that I was as thin as I could be
and the fear that I’ll never be this thin again
was sheer torture.
Neither of these ways of doing food helped me to create memories that were phenomenally special, that made my life an ounce better than it was.
Neither of these attempts allowed me to be myself, to step into my power,
to live life the way I was meant to live it.
So, yeah,
you can eat all the cake in the world
all day every day
and believe that it’ll create magical memories for you.
But it won’t.
And, yeah,
you can eat nothing at all
for weeks on end
and believe that this’ll be the ultimate way to happiness.
But it won’t.
Because that’s not how it works.
Happiness starts within.
Food, restriction,
bingeing,
dieting,
overeating –
none of these will transport you to the life you secretly dream of.
You have a choice.
You can have a moment of relaxation with the compulsive donut
or you can experiment with the same phase of pausing by just being.
You don’t have to eat all the time.
You don’t have to drink all the time.
You don’t have to add food on top of things you’ve been doing all of your life.
You don’t not have to either.
But remember that you have a choice.
That there is more than one way to slowing down, to creating memories, to breathing into this moment and being here and now.
Food is not the end all be all.
Not eating is not the end all be all.
The experiences you make.
The life you life.
The people you love.
The rides you have at the edge of your comfort zone.
Those are the memories that’ll last a lifetime.
Not the number on your scale on June 19th 2017.
Not the caloric intake on January 22nd 1999.
Not the size of your pants on your 29th birthday.
Or the pie you ate a year ago today.
The mocha you drank last Saturday.
The gummy bears you munched on in 1970.
Life is more than food.
Moments are more than needing to be hyped up by food.
Experiences are better when you don’t think about what not to eat in 2 hours from now.
Yes, you have a choice.
You can eat what you want when you want.
You can relax with food.
You can relax without the need to eat because today you don’t feel like it.
You are not a slave to your food.
You are not a slave to your body.
You are not a slave to calories.
You are your own master.
Act like it.
Starting… now.
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