Family.

I could end the blog post here and leave you to fill in the space.

This word is filled with so many individual stories.

Family holds together, family breaks apart. Family loves, hurts, competes, embraces, helps, fails, frees, imprisons, supports, discourages, opens eyes, holds them closed, wakes up or remains asleep forever.

We all have family issues. Every single one of us. Some more, some less. But they’re there.

I’ve recently noticed once again how often family hurts instead of lifts up. How often friends are more trustworthy, loving and reliable than those you’d expect it from.

Most of you know about my difficult past and the big role my immediate family played in it. I’ve let it all go and have long moved on, but still, there are days when the intricacies of a big family clan appear.

It’s on those days that you ask yourself: is family really all that it’s hyped up to be? Or is it healthier for you as a grown-up to just steer clear of those who don’t serve you well, even if they’re blood relatives of you?

Are friends the better family to have?

Just to be clear, I’m not talking about my immediate immediate family like my mom, dad, sister and grandparents. They’re my lifeline, my rocks and I would never want to live without them. Nor could I.

But I’m talking about certain cousins, aunts, uncles and distant relatives who don’t add any value to my life and instead suck the optimism right out of me.

Do they really deserve to be part of my story or would it be best to just let them go?

Is it less painful to stop expecting love, care and support from family members, even when your experience shows it’ll probably never happen this way? Is it more fulfilling to surround yourself with friends who love you just as deeply as you love them?

Is it time to break up with your family and create one you deserve?

Here are 8 signs that help you answer this big question for yourself.

1. They don’t add any value to your life.

I’m a strong believer in getting rid of everything and everyone that doesn’t make your life better. Life’s too short to surround yourself with people who have a negative influence on you. So, if they’re a burden, needy and spread negative vibes, cut them out.

2. You’re stressed and nervous before meeting them.

Getting together with someone, even if it’s family, should be fun. You should look forward to giving your cousin, mom or granddad a big hug and spending hours chatting about the world, life and unicorns. If you don’t feel that way, they’re not worth your time and energy.

3. They tear you down.

And make you feel empty, bad and small.

We’ve all had those family reunions, after which we felt like bloodless zombies (do zombies have blood? I don’t know. Enlighten me.), ready to collapse. Sometimes this exhaustion can be positive, but if it comes from a constant stream of being belittled, you know what to do.

4. You don’t miss them.

If you don’t think about them and you couldn’t care less whether you’ll meet them again, why hold on to them?

5. They can’t share your joy.

If good things happen in your life, family should be the first ones in line to share the bliss. If they’re jealous, never there to celebrate your successes with you, something’s off.

Unfortunately, I’ve experienced this one a lot coming from one part of the family. Every time, something thrilling happened to me or my beautiful sister, there was silence. Nothing. No words of congratulations, no excitement, no joy.

This is a surefire sign that the relationship is not worth having. If people can’t be happy for those they supposedly love, do you really want to be around them?

6. They play the competition game.

This is a BIG one in our family and it’s so so sad.

We have an aunt who always stirred up competition, especially between my sister and her son. It’s always been: Have you seen the GREAT report card my son brought home? Have you seen how FABULOUS he did this year? Bla, bla, bla.

I can tell you that her words hurt many feelings and nobody benefitted from them.

I’ve distanced myself fairly early from this stupid game, but I still see it happening to this day. Competition has no place in a real family.

7. They gossip.

If they gossip about others, they gossip about you. It’s up to you to decide whether you want that in your life, but I sure as hell don’t.

8. They don’t support your dreams.

Our dreams are often fragile little creatures that are easily destroyed. If you want your dreams to bloom, don’t let your family cast shadows on them. Of course, you can pursue your dreams, even if your family doesn’t have your back.

But it’s so much easier and more fun if you choose to surround yourself with people who are actively and sincerely cheering for your dreams to become a reality.

It’s always a very personal and extremely difficult decision to break up with your family.

Especially since there’s still a huge stigma attached to those who choose not to be close to their relatives. If you choose to stay away, you’re seen as selfish, difficult, heartless and cold.

But I believe that knowing your boundaries and striving for healthy relationships, whether that’s with family, friends or lovers is a sign of great strength and a deep knowledge of your  power and self-worth.

There’s no excuse for toxic relationships, not even blood.

So, what about you? Have you created your own family? Is your relationship with your family healthy or just as complicated as mine?

I want to hear your words of wisdom!