****CONFESSION****
I am a DRAMA addict.
I LOVE drama.
I CRAVE drama.
I CREATE drama.
And I bathe myself in it.
In a way I’ve always known I had this dramatic streak but I truly acknowledged it the other day when talking to one of my best friends about my business.
I was sharing some of my successes with him and while he was celebrating with me, something inside of me changed.
I consciously noticed how there was a “click” and I went from happy to OH NO THIS CANNOT POSSIBLY BE A POSITIVE THING.
So, I started to recount all of the issues I could be facing in the future.
I went from a state of bliss to my life SUCKS and I should just give up on everything right now.
Had I not been so into it, it would’ve been hilarious.
But in that moment, I talked myself into being terrified.
And whenever my friend said something to make me feel better, I got more angry AT HIM.
How could he have the audacity to believe in me?
How could he have the audacity to see potential in my biz?
How could he have the audacity to see me in a positive light?
Hilarious, no?
I actually managed to turn a super fun conversation into a drama and pissed off a person I genuinely love.
All because of that little CLICK in my mind.
Tragic.
And when I journaled about it later, I realized that this need for drama stems from me wanting to be the victim.
Needing to step into victimhood.
Still.
After all the work.
After all these years.
I still want and desperately need to be a victim.
Why?
Because then I would actually have to fully OWN my life, be a grown up, take even more responsibility for my own wellbeing. I would have to fully claim my power.
And that is a “let-me-run-away-right-now-super-fast-without-looking-back” kind-of scary.
I used to play the victim by keeping my body small,
now I play the victim by keeping my power in check.
It’s a deeply ingrained pattern and it’s one that is still hurting me and those I love.
It’s super scary to admit it to myself, but it also feels oh so goooooood.
There’s nothing better than admitting a truth that you have known the whole time anyway, isn’t there?
If you can see what’s really going on, you have the power to change your results.
And you can always see what’s really going on, can’t you?
So, yeah, I still tend to be a drama queen. I’m addicted to playing the victim of life, of circumstances, of being a woman, being born as a middle child and bla bla bla.
However, and that is a big however, there are many things that have changed and that I’ve successfully let go of over the past 7 years.
First of all, I obviously acknowledge what I am doing. That hasn’t always been an option. Me? A victim? Well, of course. Because of everything that’s happened to me. But I’m not playing a victim, I AM one. Know that thought pattern? It’s a false one, one that keeps you stuck and in misery.
Second, I am now dealing with it in way more powerful and healthier ways. I obviously don’t take it out on my body anymore. I don’t starve myself anymore in order to be seen as even more of a victim. I don’t binge anymore in order to punish myself for being a victim. I don’t try to sabotage my happiness anymore by hurting my body and myself.
Third, I am fully prepared to let go of the need for drama. I KNOW that I am not a victim, that I don’t have to play a victim and that – no matter what happens – I am capable of owning my life and my power.
Of course, a part of me still feels happiest and most at peace when there is drama, when there is conflict, when things are not working out.
Of course, this part of me rears its often hilariously inappropriate head in the most amazing moments.
Of course, I am annoyed.
And I am so freaking happy that I am not allowing myself to fall into this trap for more than a phone call anymore. Plus, I am taking responsibility for my actions every single time – which is something that my ego doesn’t really approve of at all.
Nope, I am no victim.
I’ll never be a victim again.
Even if it feels uncomfortable.
Even if it’s not easy.
Even if my inner victim tries to pull me back a billion times.
I am not available for her shenanigans anymore.
So really, I was a DRAMA addict.
I LOVED drama.
I CRAVED drama.
I CREATED drama.
And I bathed myself in it.
But now, now, I am a FREEDOM addict.
I LOVE freedom.
I CRAVE freedom.
I CREATE freedom.
And I bathe myself in it.
Ohhhhh, the magnificence of THAT.
Ready to let go of your own need to be the victim? Take the leap of faith and book your coaching package with me now.
It’s time to stop wanting to be a VICTIM and start wanting to be FREE.
You have what it takes to turn this around.
You have what it takes to let go of needing to be in pain and playing small.
I see it in your eyes.
I see it in your heart.
I see it in your every move and every word.
You are the one you were always meant to be –
just covered by fear and shame –
and the wrong belief that being thin will instantly ease all your pain and allow you to create a life of rainbows and unicorns.
It’s time to leave that behind.
It’s time to unleash the superwoman that’s inside.
Not overnight.
But by strategically going through the steps to allowing your core to shine.
I’m here to help. <3
Photo by Artsy Vibes on Unsplash
