Here’s a truth:
I still don’t love my upper arms.
I still think they’re too big and that my shoulders are too much.
I still sometimes shy away from wearing sleeveless shirts or tank tops.
I still want to hide them in photos or “pose” in a way that makes them appear slimmer.
I still get triggered by them.
My arms have always been my go-to issue.
I remember way back in treatment talking to a counselor about how I wish I had skinnier arms – and back then they were as skinny as arms can get.
It’s always been about my arms.
My cellulite doesn’t get to me. My lose skin on my belly doesn’t. My thighs don’t. My big nose doesn’t.
It’s only ever been my arms.
But here’s another truth: despite my feelings about them, I wear tank tops and sleeveless dresses.
Despite my feelings about them, I don’t restrict my eating, I don’t deny myself pleasurable foods.
I don’t allow them to hinder my life in any shape or form.
I won’t allow them to determine my happiness, my confidence and my willingness to show up.
Never ever ever.
If I look at a photo and they appear to be too big, I don’t stare at them, zooming in and out, checking to see if somehow I can make them look smaller.
I don’t.
And that is what it is about.
I know my body is valuable beyond measure.
I love my body for everything it does.
I am proud of my body and no, I am not neutral about it.
I cherish it.
That is what makes my life a million times better. That gives me the freedom to live the life I want to life. That gives me the freedom to move the way I want to move, to workout the way I choose to workout, to love the way I desire to love.
It’s the choice to not let my exact physical shape affect me in such a way to limit me, which it did for more than a decade.
It’s the choice to refocus, to reframe, to let go and inquire.
It’s the choice to live instead of obsess.
And once you’re at this point, your life is limitless. And so is your love.
