As I have shared in a recent episode of Fighting Anorexia , my parents strongly disagree with the way I chose to go ahead in my education and in my career. As I am experiencing more and more freedom and happiness, their comments are getting more and more negative. As for my parents not believing in the same principles that I believe in, I have accepted that, or at least I am getting there. However, now my sister wants to have “that” conversation with me. Even though I agreed to meet up with her, I feel a bit crushed today. My sister always had my back and it hurts to see that she doesn’t like the way I live my life. And, I guess, I’d be jealous too if my sister was traveling around the world, doing what she loves, while I am sitting at home studying or attending university classes.
But should I feel as guilty as I am doing today? Should I feel bad about her having made the decision to study and become a teacher? Do I really have to explain to her why I am flying to conferences in LA or to Sydney in order to connect with people and therefor build a foundation for my business? Do I have to ask if the decision that my husband and I made together is right? I love my sister to pieces and she is, as I haven often said, my role model and the person I look up to the most, but I refuse to let her judge me.
I have to say that I am a bit miffed for feeling so down. I would much rather focus all of my attention on creating amazing content for you, my dear readers, and having thought provoking and helpful conversations and discussions. I have a loving and very supportive husband, I have the best friends in the world who believe in me and I have you! What more do I need? Right? Well, no, I need my sister, I need my parents and I desperately want them to understand. This is probably the reason why I find it so very hard today to concentrate on what is important, on all the positivity in my life.

The dream of being understood by my family has been with me forever. I have always had the feeling of doing everything wrong in their eyes. I realize, I have not always been easy, I haven taken many detours, never walked the straight way, always feeling judged. So, this dream, this obsession almost, of having my family’s approval might never come true. And I am working on being “fine” with that.
All of this comes only a few days after my mother told me that I should take my sister as an example with all the hard work she is doing while I am traveling the world. And THAT really hurt.
I am working harder now than ever in my life, but I LOVE it. I guess, my family is just used to me being negative and always complaining. So, now they cannot accept the work that I adore so very much as actual work.
As I am starting to surround myself with positive, wise, forward thinking people, I am trying to reduce the negativity in my life. But can I do that with my family? No, I don’t think so.
At the same time, I want to stop being such a downer all the time and instead be a spirit of happiness and glee. I refuse to be miserable just to fit in their box and I have lived in the darkness far too long to ever want to go back there. A life of being ordinary is definitely not working for me. I have been extraordinary form the moment I took my first breath and I don’t ever want to be like everybody else. I may set myself up for massive failure and, as my mom told me just this morning, I may one day relay on social security benefits, but I refuse to even think about that. These doubts, these insecurities that people with such a negative mindset try to implant in my mind, aren’t working anymore. I want to achieve greatness, I will do anything to set myself up for success and I will achieve it. In a way, I feel that I am already on a great way. The money will follow, I have no doubt. But these things don’t happen overnight.
So, yes, even if it is brutally hard at times, I won’t let my family stand in the way of my dreams.
After all, I have my own family now.

 

P.S. If it seems as if I am bashing my family, I don’t. I love them, but we will never agree on this subject.

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