As I have shared in a recent episode of Fighting Anorexia , my parents strongly disagree with the way I chose to go ahead in my education and in my career. As I am experiencing more and more freedom and happiness, their comments are getting more and more negative. As for my parents not believing in the same principles that I believe in, I have accepted that, or at least I am getting there. However, now my sister wants to have “that” conversation with me. Even though I agreed to meet up with her, I feel a bit crushed today. My sister always had my back and it hurts to see that she doesn’t like the way I live my life. And, I guess, I’d be jealous too if my sister was traveling around the world, doing what she loves, while I am sitting at home studying or attending university classes.
But should I feel as guilty as I am doing today? Should I feel bad about her having made the decision to study and become a teacher? Do I really have to explain to her why I am flying to conferences in LA or to Sydney in order to connect with people and therefor build a foundation for my business? Do I have to ask if the decision that my husband and I made together is right? I love my sister to pieces and she is, as I haven often said, my role model and the person I look up to the most, but I refuse to let her judge me.
I have to say that I am a bit miffed for feeling so down. I would much rather focus all of my attention on creating amazing content for you, my dear readers, and having thought provoking and helpful conversations and discussions. I have a loving and very supportive husband, I have the best friends in the world who believe in me and I have you! What more do I need? Right? Well, no, I need my sister, I need my parents and I desperately want them to understand. This is probably the reason why I find it so very hard today to concentrate on what is important, on all the positivity in my life.
The dream of being understood by my family has been with me forever. I have always had the feeling of doing everything wrong in their eyes. I realize, I have not always been easy, I haven taken many detours, never walked the straight way, always feeling judged. So, this dream, this obsession almost, of having my family’s approval might never come true. And I am working on being “fine” with that.
All of this comes only a few days after my mother told me that I should take my sister as an example with all the hard work she is doing while I am traveling the world. And THAT really hurt.
I am working harder now than ever in my life, but I LOVE it. I guess, my family is just used to me being negative and always complaining. So, now they cannot accept the work that I adore so very much as actual work.
As I am starting to surround myself with positive, wise, forward thinking people, I am trying to reduce the negativity in my life. But can I do that with my family? No, I don’t think so.
At the same time, I want to stop being such a downer all the time and instead be a spirit of happiness and glee. I refuse to be miserable just to fit in their box and I have lived in the darkness far too long to ever want to go back there. A life of being ordinary is definitely not working for me. I have been extraordinary form the moment I took my first breath and I don’t ever want to be like everybody else. I may set myself up for massive failure and, as my mom told me just this morning, I may one day relay on social security benefits, but I refuse to even think about that. These doubts, these insecurities that people with such a negative mindset try to implant in my mind, aren’t working anymore. I want to achieve greatness, I will do anything to set myself up for success and I will achieve it. In a way, I feel that I am already on a great way. The money will follow, I have no doubt. But these things don’t happen overnight.
So, yes, even if it is brutally hard at times, I won’t let my family stand in the way of my dreams.
After all, I have my own family now.
P.S. If it seems as if I am bashing my family, I don’t. I love them, but we will never agree on this subject.
Hi Anne-Sophie,
Your article is heartbreaking. It’s obvious that you love your family and that you adore your sister but don’t let them hurt you.
I hope that they’ll make an effort to understand you better. You found your own way and if they love you as much as you do they’ll finish being proud of you. You’re different, you’re special, they might just need time to approve your choice.
Until then focus on your happy life, your liberty and your marvelous husband.
Bettina,
THANK YOU for those wonderful words. You are so right. I will try and focus on the good things in life rather than the negative aspects. In fact, we ALL should do that much more often, right?
Yes, definitively.
Please don’t only try to focus on good things. Just do it ! ! ! Continue to listen to your heart. You perfectly know what’s good for you. Listen to advice of your husband and friends and then take your own decision.
No one has the right to judge you!
All my best
Bettina,
I will definitely think of your wonderful words. In many way, I am already focusing on the good and positive things. However, I have always been a rather negative thinking girl, so this is quite a change for me! My life is 100% better now that I have had this paradigm shift though!
Anne,
I love you Hon! You are on the right path! You are incredible & I’ve seen you grow so much in the last several years!
Sometimes it takes family awhile to see you the way you see yourself. Remember, it took you time to get where you are today. Give them time, but don’t let them bring you down. I know you love them dearly. But sometimes we have to give ourselves permission to be ourselves & not who they are or want us to be! When we do that, it may take them awhile to see it is for our best!
I’ve seen you blossom into a smart, courageous, outspoken young lady. I know you will go far in this life! I can’t wait to follow your adventures in life & see you grow even more!
Lea, THANK YOU. I don`t know how you do it, but you always know exactly what to say. You are so full of wisdom. I cannot thank God enough that he brought you into my life. Yes, I guess, I will have to be patient with my family and I will continue to walk on the path that I am on right now. Love you, Lea.
YES to all. FOLLOW YOUR DREAM. Go Baby! I’m your fan and biggest supporter. JUST DO IT.
Thank you, my love. With YOU, I know I can do it.
Anne – know that you are not the only one who faces similar challenges when it comes to family – or even a former support circle. I know your pursuit of your best self will always include loving your family and with this foundation, you can do no wrong. There will be bumps in the road, but as you said, remember to focus on what this means to you (not them – if they are jealous, or wishing they could travel, or perhaps even just really really worried). And remember the emotions guiding these “talks” and comments do not necessarily mean that they don’t love you tremendously. You are building your extraordinary spirit – let this be your guide and source of strength. Its times like these that remind me of one of my very favorite quotes and seems applicable here: “We can love completely, without complete understanding”.
That quote is genius. Thank you, Alison. Knowing that I am not the “only one” (although, when are we ever?) validates my feelings in a way. But you are right, they love me and I should remember THAT as well. xoxo
Pray for them and continue to seek the Lord’s wisdom in your career. Follow His directions and love your family. They will see the fruit in your life and hopefully come to support you. It is hard to balance their care and love for you with following your dreams. Glad your husband is there to support you in this.
Thank you, Geoff. You are right, I am very grateful that my husband supports me 100% and right now, I will focus on him and on my friends, like you, who believe in the value of what I am trying to do.
This weekend I had a negative conversation with my sister. I did something silly – insignificant, but fun for me. My sister didn’t approve. I was sorry I had picked up the telephone. I realized years ago that I thought differently from my family and mostly they at least humor me, and sometimes support me. My mom I can tell when it’s not the choice she would make, but she always says the right thing. My sisters are hit and miss, but we still remain pretty close. I can’t imagine having them tell me that I’m making a mess of my life, that would truly hurt. I pray you have the strength to continue following your passions and that you can also rebuild your relationships.
People don’t change, but over time they can come to accept changes, hopefully they will come to accept you for who you are and not who they think you should be.
Hi Crissy,
thank you for your comment. I totally empathize with you on the fact that you think differently than your family. However, it is good to hear that your mom at least tries to make you feel good and support you. Disagreements occur often when you are close to someone, but I think that there is hardly a stronger bond than the one you have with your sister(s), even if you could not be more different. So, I am glad to hear that you remain close to them.
I love my sister to pieces and we have been able to talk about the issues she has regarding my life and career. She was one of the first who bought my first product (yes, she bought it and I thought it was so cute) because she wanted to support me.
I think it was important for her to see that I am really trying to make a change and that I am moving forward with my life. At first, she simply could not imagine how I would make a living by blogging and writing. Now that she sees I can do that, she is able to change her mind.
Anne-Sophie – such emotion in your post! I know first hand what you are going through and I too have had many similar struggles with my family. At times their words have been too harsh to bare. It often feels like the struggle to do what I want with my life and also keep them on side is never going to end.
What keeps me building my relationship with them is the fact that I know what they say to me is their way of showing they care – as screwed up as that may seem sometimes! Your mum ‘warning’ you about perhaps being on benefits one day – it sounds to me like she is just worried for your well being – as a mother should be, right?
You are not alone my friend. It is clear you will do what it takes to achieve your dreams.
– Razwana
Hi Razwana,
thank you so much for your comment. I am sorry you are facing the same problems, but I agree with you that this is them showing they care about us and want only the best for us.
I think we have to let them be and simply do our thing and show them that we are fulfilled, happy and one day hopefully successful. But it does hurt from time to time. I have surrounded myself with people who support me and my dream and I find that this is very, very helpful and encouraging.
I hope you are not intimidated by those comments and can move in the right direction, just as I did. 🙂