I want to feel free.
Glorious.
Freaking alive.
I want to feel radiant.
Abundant.
Whole.
I want to feel on top of the world.
Full of energy.
Like I can do anything I want at all times.
I want to feel in flow.
At peace.
But driven.
I want to be still and serene.
But crazy and daring
at the same time.
I want to be me.
All of me.
The over-the-top, loud, slightly insane me.
I want to feel loved and taken care of.
I want to feel –
All day long.
Just feel.
No regrets.
No fears.
No guilt.
Never do I want to push my feelings away again.
I am willing to let them in.
Allow them to wash all over me
Head to toe
No pushing, no pulling
Just feeling.
There’s been so much turmoil in my body
And all of it caused by the desire to
Not Feel.
Enough.
Enough of the lies.
Enough.
Enough of keeping life one arm’s length away from my truth.
Enough of the terror that feelings will overcome all of me.
So what if they do?
That’s their purpose
That’s part of life
The moment we allow feelings to exist, to touch us,
we can release them.
Let them fly away in balloons of joy.
But we have to feel them first.
It’s not brave to not feel.
It’s not smart to not feel.
It’s not even fun to not feel.
Trust me, I’ve tried.
All that not-feeling does to you is turn you into a hungry zombie that can’t get any sleep, any peace, not even the faintest hint of a smile on her face.
I don’t want to be that zombie.
Not anymore.
I want to embrace every particle of every emotion.
Dive into it until I’m immersed in every nuance of that song of my soul.
I want to feel healthy, vibrant, strong.
Fierce.
Caring.
Giving.
Being in service of the higher good of this planet.
Which is the only true purpose of life.
The only part of you that’ll last.
I am not scared of tears.
I am not scared of anger.
I am not scared of ME.
I am here to be all of me.
Head to toe.
All of me.
Toe to head and in between.
My heart beating fast, my heart beating strong
To the soundtrack of my life
My that life that is full
of everything I’ve ever dreamed of.
Of everything I never thought would happen.
And all because I allowed myself to feel.
All because I stopped denying myself the experience that others have had all along.
I want to feel part of that ever-flowing waterfall of golden light that life truly is.
There’s no settling for less.
Not anymore.
I’ve tried and I’ve lost.
I’ve tried and I’ve buried myself underneath a mountain of sadness and shame.
I’ve tried and the more I cut myself off of feeling the feelings I didn’t want, the less joy I’ve experienced. The less happy I was.
Because happiness – all of life – needs the times of rain and burning yourself to the ground.
Change – all of life – needs the times of death of the ego to rise again;
Stronger, healthier, more alive than ever before.
Vibrating with the energy of the universe that is pure love.
Love that – if you let it – will touch your core and flow through your body like a lightning bolt
that can’t but rock. your. world.
From head to toe
From your toes to your head and back in all direction and out your fingertips.
Which is what you’ve truly always dreamed of
as a child.
Gloriously innocent
And still able to see the magic, to see the fairies in every room, as part of you.
Where’s your belief now?
Where’s your hope now?
Where are your feelings now?
Those feelings that connect you to all there is?
Those feelings that connect you to your truth?
To your essential self?
Where’s the real you hiding?
Underneath a layer of shame or non-feeling?
Underneath a layer of bitterness?
Underneath a layer of being a freaking adult? Serious? Unhappy? Lifeless?
Where are you?
I want to feel
from head to my tiny little toes.
I want to feel from my toes to my over-thinking, ever-worrying head.
I want to feel me.
There’s never a moment that’s too late to turn it all around.
Today – and for the rest of my life –
I commit to being here.
Now.
Feeling what I feel.
No pushing, no pulling.
Just being with all of me.
Because being all of me is the only thing that is true.
And only truth leads to a genuinely beautiful life experience.
I want to feel…
*Photo found here.
