Bye bye 2014, Hello 2015!

Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes

How do you measure, measure a year?
In daylights, in sunsets
In midnights, in cups of coffee
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife

In five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes

How do you measure, a year in the life?

How about love?

Yes, love for sure.

So much has happened this year. So much has changed.

And the one thing that’s changed the most is that I’ve never felt so much love.

In a way, this year may appear to have been quieter than last year where I traveled to a different place, continent or city every month. This year, I stayed in Europe. I stood still. But, nevertheless, this year was not nearly as quiet as last year.

What I’ve experienced

I began my Martha Beck life Coach Training in January, joined the Alive in Berlin Crew and flew to London in February, moved into a new apartment, went to Stockholm with my best friend and Paris with my mom in March.

I created and then facilitated the Body-Love Wellness Circles that started in April. It was by far my best program so far and it hasn’t just changed the lives of my Circlers, it’s changed mine too – profoundly.

I worked my growing baby bump off in May helping Jana with Alive and running my own thriving business at the same time. I had some awful news about my marriage and then came June – the month that changed it all.

Johann was born.

My precious, tiny, strong boy who would keep me busy for the next months occupying almost every second of my days and nights. I’d stand next to his crip worried that he’d stop breathing. I’d hold him close, wanting to take in every fiber of his being. I’d love him more than anything else I’ve ever loved before.

My beloved and inspiring grandfather passed away in September, on the day that I appeared on German TV for the first time. It was a sad time, but we celebrated his life – even when Valerie and I flew to Helsinki a few days later.

I went to see Gabby Bernstein in Hamburg telling her about my spirit baby and hearing her remark how much I’ve changed since she saw me last. In November things slowed down. I was certified as a Martha Beck Life Coach – something I am very, very proud of – despite having the single most distracting study partner in the entire world.

And now, in the last days of December I’m enjoying life. I am loving up on my son and am giving myself the rest that I deserve after a year that took my breath away.

What I’ve missed

NYC

I am in love with this city and this has been the first year since 2005 that I haven’t either visited NYC or been in the US. It sounds superficial to most, but it feels like part of my soul is missing when I’m not there. So yeah, not being in NYC has made me feel very sentimentat and lost at times.

A partner

As much as I’ve mastered my pregnancy on my own (with the love of my parents, sister and friends), I’d have loved to have a partner at my side. It is just SUCH a special time when there’s a little miracle growing inside of you that having someone to intimately share it with would have made it even better.

What I’ve learned

Oh, where do I start?

I’ve learned to be a mother, a caregiver, a sleepless zombie that’s still functioning. I’ve learned to look after others more than looking after myself without giving up on myself; which kinda is an art, but I think I’m handling it pretty well.

I’ve learned to speak my truth and stand my ground and somehow, I’ve once again learned that I am worthy and capable.

My words for 2014 were Live, Laugh & Love and I’ve certainly done just that. There were times when I’ve worked way too hard, but I somehow always pulled myself back and remembered that living isn’t working; it’s loving; it’s laughing; it’s being with friends. I’ve allowed myself to slow down more and more and to sometimes just be – without doing a single thing. And it felt fabulous. In 2014, I’ve learend to rest.

Most importantly, I’ve learned to open my heart again after having built a wall around it for so many years. I’ve learned to accept the pain and the happiness – it’s a slow process and I know it’ll take a while longer for me to unconditionally feel and open up, but I’m taking it one day and one step at a time.

Who’s touched my heart

Johann

Of course he did. He’s everything to me. He’s my sunshine, my Bo, my crying monster, my beautiful, beautiful boy. He’s my life saver and the miracle I have always dreamed of.

He’s changed me to the core and as I wake up next to him every morning, I see him grow and evolve. I see his mischievous smile, his curious eyes, his perfect little body. I cannot wait to see him grow up and become a young boy, man and be a part of some of his many adventures.

My grandfather – aka. Pipapa

Pipapa hasn’t just inspired me in this year, he’s always been a source of love and comfort to all of us grandchildren, his wife and children. He was always upbeat – until his last day – saying “very well, very well” whenenver you’d ask him how he was. There are countless things I miss about him: the way he saw you as being perfect just the way you are, his pride for us, his unconditional love. He was an exceptionally loving person who went through a lot in his lifetime, but he always remained positive and loving.

I’ll never forget you, Pipapa.

My mom

My mom just keeps on  impressing me beyond measure. We’ve had our differences, our difficult times, but we’ve managed to come closer, create a union and support each other.

She’s been an invaluable resource of love and help in the past 6 months and she’s loved Johann (almost) as much as I do, being a second “parent” for him. I’m sure it was anything but easy for her, but she did it for Johann and me and for that, I’ll be forever grateful to her.

Jana

Jana’s energy and authenticity is out of this world.

When I first learned about ALIVE in Berlin, I wanted to be part of it instantly. It took some time for me to get involved, but when I did, nothing was more fun than working with Jana, learning from her and seeing her take such a huge risk for the sake of changing Europe’s emotional landscape.

When I look at her now, I know that courage and doing things you believe in even if you’re not ready is the right thing to do and it makes me lean in and stretch myself daily in every part of my life.

It’s been a life changer for me to get to know you, Jana. Thanks for being a light.

Pauline

Pauline is my study partner who’s been coaching with me from the very beginning of our life coach training. We’ve both come so far since we first began meeting and talking and Pauline inspires me to this day with her openness, her vulnerability, her courage and loving heart.

It’s not easy to continuously coach yourself but she does and by doing so, she helps me do the work on myself too.

My nameless client (you know who you are!)

I admire people who really do the work.

People who hurt but are committed to do something about it instead of just complaining about the same old things forever and ever. I admire people who take advice and see if it works for them. This one client worked so hard on herself that she saw real freedom, real self-love, real possiblility and liberty.

This one client did what we all want to do but hardly ever manage: change. You inspired me so so much. Thank you for allowing me to support you on your journey. <3

What’s ahead

I have no clue.

I’m finishing my Eating Psychology Coach training in May and that is all I know for now.

I’ll be a mom, a coach, an open spirit who’s ready to receive whatever life sends my way. I’ll see my boy grow and grow and I’ll make sure to be as present in his life and in his growth as I possibly can.

I’ll mentally freeze frame the moments with him and I have the intention of not getting back into the race of “doing, doing, doing” all day long.

Possibility. Love. Sacred Presence.

That’ll be my 2015.

How about you? What was best in 2014 and what would you love to do in 2015?

I’m wishing you a radiant, transforming, calm, stormy, unlimited 2015. I’m wishing you all the love in the world and all the time you need to heal what’s left to heal inside.

This’ll be your year. Thank you for being a presence on this blog, in my life and in my heart. I am humbled by every single one of you, transformed through the love and support of every single one of you, being held by every single one of you.

I thank you for another beautiful year.

With love,

Anne-Sophie