This post was originally published in March, 2015 and has been edited since. 

You can see the “love your body exactly the way it is” messages all over the Internet these days.

And that is fantastic. Heck, I’m part of the movement, I even wrote a book about it.

Yet more and more, I recognize how harmful and shaming this message of body-love can be if it’s not shared cautiously.

Here’s the thing:

The more we talk about getting to a place where you love your body no matter what, the more we are shaming women and making them feel like failing at yet another strategy to make peace with their natural shape.

Why? Because body-love isn’t a set-in-stone-kinda-thing, it’s flowing, ocean-like. It changes every day; feels different from moment to moment.

Body-love is about so much more than feeling oh so giddy in your body every single day of your life.

Body-love really is about balance, about a detachment from your obsession with your weight. Body-love is about liberating your body and making room for you not liking your body all the time. Body-love is about having fun in your body, not letting her rule your life. Body-love is about using your body to live the life of your dreams. It’s about acknowledging all the beautiful things she does for you. It’s a mindset more than an everyday feeling.

Yes, when you heal, you will have many, many, many, many, many days of feeling proud of your body, of being full of energy. But you’ll also have days when you’ll feel uncomfortable, ugly, blah. You might gain weight and you won’t feel the body-love so very much. You might lose weight and, well, you might not feel it either. You will have rashes, pains, weird symptoms and you’ll have days where just about everything feels wrong.

Body-love as a movement needs to make room for the very valid possibility that you might not get to that place of loving the way your body looks and what your body represents at all and instead might be firmly grounded in body-acceptance or body-liberation as Jes Baker calls it.

Stop pressuring yourself into liking your body

You don’t need to feel in love with your body at all and if you don’t, it doesn’t mean that you’re failing as a women who’s on a body-love journey. You don’t have to be ashamed or beat yourself up because you don’t like seeing your body change at all times.

And yet I’d still challenge you to see that liberating your body, accepting your body, not trying to force yourself to LOVE your body is a way of loving your body after all.

Love isn’t black or white. It happens on a spectrum. It’s not like you’d stop loving your kids because they annoy you or do something stupid. You’ll still love them despite their behavior. And you’re not failing as a parent just because you are sometimes super mad at your child.

Why, then, would you view your body in such a conditional way?

Coming to a place of peace and acceptance around your body, while still having some days of bingeing, having a fit because your clothes don’t fit, comparing yourself with others and having low self-worth is a paradox that you have to embrace.

So, the next time you feel like you’re failing at loving your body, think again.

I believe that stepping into a mentally healing attitude around food and your body is only possible if you can come to a place of owning the days where your body doesn’t feel too glorious or where you don’t feel that you’ve mastered your eating all that well.

If you can stop holding yourself to impossible standards and accept that you’re human, you can slowly step into a place of living instead of dieting, worrying about food and trying to master body-love.

I have two space available for a brand new program. With me. And you. 1-1. Intimate. Tight. Intense.

No bullshit.

Is your soul nudging you that it’s time?

Are you ready to walk away from the shame that is ruining your life?

Is yesterday the last day you’ll lose?

Book a convo here (anne-sophie@annesophie.us) and we’ll make sure it’s a good fit for you.