April 20th, 2015
I remember this day as if it was yesterday.
I had two super important coaching calls scheduled: one brand-new client who was getting a 90-minute coaching intake and another call with a super impressive woman that I had been looking up to.
I was nervous all day.
We’d just come home from a fun but stressful trip to Paris and I was tired.
Johann was a handful and I was doing my best not to freak myself out with thoughts of failure and not-enoughness.
There was a nervous anticipation in my body and I knew exactly where it was going to lead, yet I tried my very best NOT to “go there” as it could never be the answer to the issue.
When I dropped Johann off at my mom’s, I started to nibble. Slowly at first and then – as it happens – more urgently.
I drove home, got out a box of ice-cream and binged like I hadn’t binged in ages.
It was my last binge.
It was a forceful one.
I didn’t know it was the last one – obviously.
But I felt that it was no use to continue using obsolete coping skills.
I realised on that day that what had helped me through my teens and early twenties was no longer good for my body or my mind.
Instead of helping, it was hurting.
Instead of calming, it was infuriating.
Instead of filling me up, it was leaving me empty and lost.
April 20, 2015 was my last binge and to this day, I never looked back.
I don’t miss my binges (which is surprising, given that the binges gave me SO much for such a long time).
I don’t miss the drama.
I don’t miss the food.
I don’t miss the “forbidden” aspect of it.
3 years ago today, the binges lost their power.
It wasn’t an overnight thing, of course not.
It was the result from years of hard, deep inner work.
And it was all worth it.
For 3 years now, I haven’t had to put so much food in my body that I thought I was going to vomit.
For 3 years now, I haven’t had the urge to destroy myself.
For 3 years now, there’s never been a moment of even wanting to binge.
It’s not an issue anymore.
It’s not an option anymore.
It’s not even a thought, a possibility.
It’s in the past and it feels AMAZING.
That last binge made all the difference; it was the beginning of something much bigger, much better: my binge on life.
Ready to binge on life? Book a 30-minute complimentary Discovery Call with me to see how I can help you turn that body-hatred into freedom and love.
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