How will I deal with all of the food?
What will my family think of my body?
Can I indulge during the holidays or will everyone judge me?
What if I eat too much and can never lose the weight?
How can I prevent all the binging that I’ve done in the past?
What if I don’t eat anything?
Have you ever worried about these things before the holidays?
I sure did. In the past, Christmas was a pure nightmare for me. I’d starve myself for months to lose as much weight as possible, only to gain it all back between December 24th and January 6th.
I’d eat and eat and eat and struggle with heartburn, constant nausea, bloating and lack of energy. But I couldn’t stop because I knew that once the holiday season was over, I’d have to go back to my old life of misery.
Interestingly enough, the time of indulging was just as much of a nightmare as the time of restricting myself. I just didn’t have any balance and my deprived body and mind wanted all they could have in the short amount of time my eating disordered brain allowed them to eat.
Thinking back, I don’t remember a Christmas that didn’t solely revolve around food for me. I don’t remember sitting in our living room with a free mind and a clear heart. All I can remember is the anxiety, the compulsiveness, the battle in my mind between eating and restricting, between feeling judged and judging myself.
Today, all of this has changed.
Sure, Christmas is still a time of cookies and a lot of food, but none of that scares me anymore. I can indulge in the ice-cream, the fondue, the sparkling wine. I can take it for what it is, enjoy it and then move on.
I don’t feel bloated, I don’t feel stuffed and I do not struggle with heartburn anymore, which makes this time of the year so so so much more awesome than it ever was.
As much of a difference my recovery has made in my daily life, I notice it most of all during this time of the year.
However, 90% of my coaching clients struggle BIG TIME with the restricting/binge eating cycle during this time and it’s mostly got to do with this one mistake they’re making:
They restrict.
Even if they’ve let go of restricting in the physical form, they’re still restricting in the mind. They’re scared of the weight gain, the loss of control, the judgement, the chaos. And so, they set themselves up for major binges and a lot of inner turmoil.
In order to prevent this inner conflict this year, here’s your guide to have the best holidays of your life:
Rule #1: Stop restricting
As I’ve mentioned above, restricting is the number one mistake why my clients end up binging even if they’ve prepared properly for the holidays and the parties.
If you go into the holidays with the intention of eating little or even losing weight, you’re setting yourself up for failure.
Restricting backfires. Every single time.
Thinking you can lose weight is a ludicrous idea as food is part of the holidays. It just is. The sooner you accept it, acknowledge it, you’ll be able to deal with it.
So, in your heart and mind, allow yourself to eat during the holidays, to indulge a bit here and there and to enjoy yourself. If you go to a party knowing that that’s what you’ll do, the pressure is gone and thus, the drive to stuff your face all night long.
Rule #2: Do NOT feely guilty
Eaten too much? Forgive yourself and move on.
There doesn’t have to be any guilt as there’s nothing to be guilty about. Eating is not a moral act, always remember that. So, even if you’ve eaten way more than your body wanted, you didn’t commit a crime. All you did was put food in your mouth and swallow it.
So what?
Rule #3: Self-care WTF
Self-care is key around the holidays. And even more importantly, you have to practice self-compassion. It matters to hold yourself to a standard of love and compassion instead of a standard of perfectionism.
So, start with your self-care practices now in order to be balanced and as relaxed as you can be during the holidays.
See yourself with loving eyes, touch your body, massage your face, take time for yourself, journal, dance, read, go for walks and do whatever it is that fills your self-love cup.
The more practice you have now, the easier it’ll be to tap into your resources when things are stressful and overwhelming.
Rule #4: Do NOT apologize
For eating, for having gained weight, for not eating, for not having gained weight, etc.
So what if your family judges your weight, your eating behaviors? Who cares? Are they the ones living in your body or are you?
Remember that when others judge you, all they’re doing is projecting their own fears and insecurities onto you.
If you don’t eat a dessert, they’ll feel threatened because they’ll feel judged.
If you do eat 20 cookies, they’ll feel threatened because you’re not giving a s**t about diets and have mastered to enjoy yourself during the holidays.
No matter what you do, someone will always feel triggered and might even give a biting comment.
It’s not about you, it’s about them.
So, do NOT aplogize and own your choices.
Rule #5: De-stress
Sometimes a situation can get overwhelming or the urge to binge can get too much. That’s when you need to excuse yourself and de-stress.
I’ve written extensively about my favorite ways to relax. One of the easiest is to breathe in on 8 counts and breathe out on the count of one. Another easy trick is to go for a short walk sucking in the fresh, cold air. Check out more tips here.
Rule #6: Connect
Connecting with your loved ones is the only way to not get overwhelmed by the amount of food you’ll deal with during the holidays.
Share your heart with your loved ones instead of obsessing over the buffet and be in the spirit of giving instead of in the spirit of dieting
So, what if you cannot stand them or you have a difficult relationship with them?
Use Martha Beck’s 3Bs: Bag it, Barter it, Better it.
If you cannot be around your family unless you binge or are in pain, try to see if you can either not go or add something to your experience to make it less painful.
You’re the one who can make choices for yourself and it’s your attitude that often causes a miracle to occur. So choose.
Rule #7: Stay in the present
If you tend to catastrophize and go a tad insane after having eaten just one cookie “too many”, then it’s time to come back into the present. You cannot control the future and you cannot change the past, your power lies in the here and now.
Take a deep breath and drop into your body. Notice your feat, your knees, your hips, your belly, your breasts, your arms, your hands, your face. Scan your body as slowly as you can to force your mind back into reality. What you feel right now is real and anything else is made up.
Now that you’re grounded again, you can begin to make decisions from a more peaceful place.
Rule #8: Check your mindset
Stop thinking in all black or white, all or nothing, good or bad.
The reality of your eating behaviors falls somewhere in between. Nobody is perfect during the holidays, but nobody is BAD either. The more you can see the greys and the nuances of your choices, the more you can ease into whatever situation you’re in.
Adopt more of a f**k it attitude and see that it really doesn’t matter how much you’ve eaten. Also, you’re the one who determines what a binge is for you. If you loosen your definitions just a little bit, you’re giving your mind and your body a big, much needed break.
Rule #9: Do not resolve to lose weight in the New Year
If your New Year’s Resolution to lose weight is your fail-safe-key, you’re again setting yourself up for doing what it is you absolutely don’t want to do: binge. The fear of having to diet again, to work out like a crazy person, to suffer and to deny yourself all pleasures causes you to eat just “one more bite” of this and that because it’ll be the last one for a while, right?
What might seem like a sensibly plan is just another way to make yourself stumble and fall.
In the end, it’s all about staying relaxed, realizing that this time is about more than food, but that food is simply part of it. And how cool is that, right? After all, food is too good not to add to one of the nicest times of the year.
