Alrighty,
the wait is over,
I’m 30.
I’ve been thinking about this day for way longer than I care to admit.
In fact, I remember lying in bed one night,
at least 2 years ago,
freaking out about turning thirty in a few years.
There may even be a draft on my blog about how to deal with the fear of leaving your 20s behind.
It’s all bullshit. It’s ridiculous.
Age really is what you make it.
And here’s something I realized in m journaling last night:
I was way older when I turned 20 than I am now.
I used to be SO SERIOUS.
About everything.
And it’s still in there somewhere.
The seriousness.
The taking everything in such a heavy way.
The need to be safe.
To be responsible.
To act like a grown up.
But really, it was worse when I was 20.
I was so full of fears of the future.
So paralyzed by all the things that could happen.
Bad things mostly.
10 years ago, I acted like a super serious 90 year old.
Today, though I have way more responsibility,
I have loosened up a bit.
Every day, I intend to have fun.
To be silly.
To laugh.
I’ve come to see that this need to see life as something “heavy”, something that must be “fought”, a “battle” strong correlates with our need to be thin, to diet.
It really is about wanting to be perfect, which means safe.
We want to be safe.
Being thin means being safe.
Not eating means being safe.
Working your butt off means being safe.
But life isn’t safe.
Will never be safe.
Has never ever been safe.
It’s uncertain in its nature.
And – truth be told – I hate that.
I still do.
Gosh, how I wish I knew who I was going to marry.
IF I’m going to marry again.
How I wish I knew who my next clients are going to be.
If I’ll have more children.
How I wish I knew if the tribe is going to grow.
If one of my future books will end up being a world-wide bestseller.
How I wish I knew what’s going to happen in the future.
But, really, that’s not the truth.
Because where’s the fun in that?
Nothing, not a single thing, I worried about in my 20s came true.
I didn’t end up being broke and alone.
I didn’t end up not living my life because I stopped dieting.
I didn’t die when I stopped destroying my body with laxatives.
My life didn’t end when I didn’t stay with the guy I really wanted.
Nothing I worried about ended up happening.
And yet I spent so much time on imagining the worst-case scenarios.
And more than that, I didn’t do so many things because others told me not to.
Now, I want to have fun.
Not superficial fun – not all the time.
I want to enjoy myself.
I want to stop being so scared of what could happen and instead really experience what is happening.
I want to go on dates without thinking I’ll marry the guy (anyone else a little crazy about that?! I am working on it).
I want to have fun with friends.
I want to skip work on weekends without freaking out about it.
I want to spend hilariously fun afternoons with Johann doing what he wants to do.
I want to live a fun life.
I want to be bliss.
I am bliss.
Ananda Hum.
I want to own my life.
Can you relate?
Do you waste your life on worrying too?
Are you doing things because others told you so?
Are you dieting your life away to be safe and what?
Pretty?
Are you hurting yourself and living in misery because you feel it’s the grown up thing to do?
Well, I am more abundant than ever before and I am having more fun than ever before.
My relationship with Johann is based on us laughing all the time and it’s great.
My coaching calls with my clients are full of belly laughter, even if we go deeper than in any other coachings.
Laughing, having fun, living your life from flow doesn’t work against you.
Being silly, doing things just because you want to is essential in order to make the best of our time on earth.
So, in my 30s I intend on doing more of what brings me joy and bliss.
I intend on living even more from my gut and fulfill my purpose: which is to be love and give love.
AND to be the most fun person I can be.
And trust me, just writing these words would’ve seemed so alien to my 20-year old self.
Life is hilarious – if we choose to see it this way.
What’s one fun thing you’re doing today?
Celebrate my birthday with me. I love giving gifts and since today is a big one, you’ll SAVE big time if you step up and begin your healing journey today.
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