Recently, I’ve noticed that I still restrict my fun in some ways.
As I’ve said many times before, I love St. Tropez. I love being there. Always have and until I find a more beautiful place (which is hard), I always will.
And yet for the last 15 years as I’ve travelled the world, I’ve only ever allowed myself to go there once a year.
And – it just occurred to me – that this doesn’t have to be that way.
Lol
Big deal.
It IS a big deal.
I have no idea why I never thought of just going there twice, or three times, or 5?
Why do I have to go to another place for our summer vacation when, really, I know the place I love the most?
Sure, there’s always more to discover, but why do I not allow myself to indulge in the place I love with all of my heart more than once a year?
Maybe I am scared it’ll become less special?
Maybe I am scared of being labeled boring?
Maybe – and I know this is the case – I really am restricting the pleasure I experience in life by the standards others set.
This doesn’t just apply to where I go on vacation and you may say it’s a luxury problem and sure it is, but it’s still freaking interesting to see.
This is still a leftover from my dieting and severely restrictive days…
I thought that the more I would restrict now the more I could eat later.
Can you relate?
Now, I may think that the less fun I have now the more pleasure I can have later?
I don’t know.
It doesn’t make sense at first “sight”, but the brain is a place that hardly ever makes real sense.
The thing with these revelations is to look them straight in the eye, asking yourself if you want to believe that thought, live with it, shape your life around it and build your future on it or if you’d rather let go of it and create some freedom in your life.
Or a lot of freedom.
Whatever you want, you have it in your hands.
I recently had a situation where I held on to beliefs in a big way. I made up entire stories and put way to much meaning into everything.
Every little detail of that situation was dissected for hours. Almost as obsessive as the way I used to count calories.
I created a world in my head that was based on my imagination, based on my fears and based on my insecurities. It didn’t relate to reality in one way.
Yet, it held me hostage for weeks. Made me unable to think of other things. Made me feel small, desperate, scared, nauseous and betrayed.
The story I created took over my entire life.
In a way, everything we think is a story. Everything we believe is a made up story and we tend to want to believe the bad stories more than the good ones.
We are scared of the good.
Scared we’ll be disappointed (which happens).
Scared we’ll be hurt (which happens).
Scared we’ll be wrong (which too happens!).
But I believe we are also scared that we’ll be happy, that things will be better than in our wildest dreams.
We want to hold on to the negative to dampen the pain – but – as you probably know – it doesn’t work, won’t work, never works.
So, instead of creating those awfully painful stories in your head, instead of restricting fun, please, joy, how can you add more of it into your life, how can you create stories that uplift you and your life?
I am not saying that the bad stuff isn’t true and doesn’t happen – of course it is and it does.
But the good stuff does too.
And although when we are in massive emotional pain, we cannot always see it and feel it, we can use every moment to reframe what is and to investigate our fears and whether what we believe is true or a projection of our fears.
It won’t work, at first, as you’ll be in too much pain and you will want to hold on to the pain, the disappointment, the feelings of betraying and complete exposure and regret, but if you keep at it, holding on to those refrains, doing The Work, going deeper, you will free yourself more and more and more.
You will find your way back home to the core of you – even if that peaceful core wasn’t peaceful since the day you turned 4.
You will find freedom from your painful thoughts again – if it takes a while.
You will learn how to be happy again – even if it’s not right here and right now.
The most important thing is your willingness to do the work. Your willingness to listen to your loving core. Your willingness to consider that it might also have been different and that it could be different right now –
different than your thoughts might make you believe.
different than your fears make paint the world around you.
different than you might ever fully realize.
And so, today, ask yourself what you are still restricting in this life and why?
Look at the stories you’ve been telling yourself and see if there’s a different way of looking at the world you’ve created.
Allow yourself to start anew today and make room for fun and pleasure NOW, not some time down the road when the stars align and you feel ready to do whatever you’ve always wanted to do.
In the end, it our stories that make or break us.
In the end, we have power over our stories.
In the end, all we need to do is claim that power and run with it.
