It’s only one more day until Christmas Eve, which is the evening Germans celebrate Christmas, is here.

We do get two more holidays after that, but Christmas Eve is the one all kids look forward to. It’s the one evening where you unpack your closest family’s presents, have the first of a series of huge meals, are giddy with excitement all day long and in a world of bliss and/or frustration when you did or didn’t get what you wanted.

Christmas comes with a lot of expectations: the expectations of gifts that let you know how much you’re loved by your partner, parents, siblings, uncles and aunts; the expectation that everything will be peaceful and all your children (and your hubby) will behave perfectly; the expectation that the traditional feast is an explosion of delight for the body and the expectation that your entire family will come closer just a little bit.

Well, I grew up in a family where all these expectations pressured us into a) always being disappointed about not getting the one gift that we always wanted (you know the one, don’t you?!), b) always fighting with each other harsher, louder and more violent than ever before, c) someone complaining about the food tasting yuck and eating something else instead and d) everyone feeling emptier and lonelier at the end of the night than on December 23rd.

It’s ludicrous to place these pressures on a family; pressures that real life just cannot live up to.

The one thing that stresses me out the most about the holidays is the unspoken presumption that you have to give presents to others they don’t really need – just to give something. Anything. Just because.

Today, I want to encourage you to instead give a gift of real value – to yourself and to others.

The gift of Self-Esteem and Self-Love

How do Christmas and the gift of self-love even relate? Easy peasy. When things don’t go as planned, and they rarely do at Christmas, most women blame themselves for not having it done right, organised it better, been kinder or handled the situations in a different way. Moms are crying, kids are annoyed; self-esteem and self-love are nowhere to be seen. If you truly want to make a difference in your family’s lives, go about the entire holiday action in a different way.

Try some of these gifts of self-love tomorrow (or whenever you celebrate Christmas) instead:

• Be OK with being imperfect.
• Be OK with your perfectly planned Christmas celebration turning out to be a bit of a mess. Really, who cares?!
• Have a real and honest conversation about the joy and gift of self-love. Encourage this quality and emotion in your children and yourself.
• Create a ritual that embodies self-esteem.
• Make it a point NOT to give presents and instead help each other find the positive aspects of who you are and what you have inside.
• Relax together as a family instead of joining in the stress of having to visit every family member in every town in the next week.
• Write each other notes of what you appreciate about each other.
• Brag about yourself under the Christmas tree while listening to Christmas music.
• Practice gratitude for everything you already have in your life. Make it a game: the winner is the one who can come up with the most things/people/events she’s grateful for!
• Give, give, give. Pay it forward.

These may be controversial ideas, but let me tell you, Christmas wasn’t created for the presents underneath the Christmas tree – as much as I used to love those. Christmas is about so much more: it’s about a feeling, an expression of love and closeness (if and only if it is present during the entire year!).

Togetherness? But what if you’re alone?

Here’s the truth: you can still feel whole, loved and taken care of. You can still have that very feeling of closeness.

For one thing, you and your body are one, but you’re also often two separate entities. By joining forces, by stepping toward each other instead of always turning away, dismissing your wisdom and blaming each other for your messes and your trials, give yourself the gift of compassion. Compassion turns into healing, trust and the love and closeness you seek.

You do not need a partner or other people around you to enjoy the coming days, my love. Tell you what, I’ve often felt more alone with people around me than I have when I celebrated my solitude. So, do the same: celebrate being with yourself. Do what you truly want to do without having to be considerate of someone else. Get to know yourself more than you have ever before.

The upcoming holidays are a chance for you to really dig deep. Journal, touch, feel, unravel, squeal with joy, dance, laugh so hard until you cry, look at old pictures of yourself and imagine the ones that will be taken of you in years and years to come.

This is your time. This is your me-vacation. Don’t dwell on your misfortune, honor your opportunity to be yourself.

I hope and pray that the coming days will be filled with joy and love. But if they don’t, don’t despair. You’re not alone in this. Remember, it’s only ONE day (or three days if you live in Germany) of the entire year!

I’m sending you big hugs and wishing you Happy Christmas from my heart to yours!

Anne-Sophie