101 Things I Wish Everybody Knew About Adults Who Experienced Trauma as a Child

Adults who have experienced trauma as children often carry invisible scars that affect their behavior, relationships, and overall well-being. This list aims to shed light on the complex realities faced by trauma survivors, highlighting both their struggles and their resilience. By acknowledging these aspects, we can better support those around us who are living with the long-lasting effects of childhood trauma.

When someone you know has experienced trauma as a child, it’s essential to recognize that their reactions and behaviors may be deeply influenced by their past. This understanding can help you approach them with greater compassion and patience. Trauma can affect every aspect of a person’s life, from their mental and physical health to their ability to form trusting relationships and their everyday coping mechanisms.

Recognizing these impacts doesn’t just benefit the trauma survivors; it also enriches the lives of those who support them. By understanding what these individuals face, you can become a more supportive friend, partner, or colleague. You can help create a world where trauma survivors feel seen, understood, and less isolated in their experiences. Here are 101 things everyone should know about adults who experienced trauma as children.

1. Trauma Changes the Brain: Childhood trauma can significantly alter brain development, affecting emotional regulation and decision-making.
2. Trust Issues: Trusting others can be challenging due to past betrayals and disappointments.
3. Hypervigilance: Constantly being on high alert can be exhausting and is a common aftereffect.
4. Attachment Styles: Relationships might be complicated by anxious or avoidant attachment patterns.
5. Emotional Flashbacks: Adults may relive past trauma emotionally, even if they don’t have explicit memories.
6. Self-Esteem Struggles: Many grapple with low self-worth and feelings of inadequacy.
7. Perfectionism: A coping mechanism to feel in control and avoid criticism.
8. Fear of Abandonment: The fear of being left alone can be overwhelming.
9. Difficulty with Boundaries: Either too rigid or too porous, boundaries can be a challenge.
10. People-Pleasing Tendencies: Seeking approval and avoiding conflict is a common trait.
11. Chronic Anxiety: Persistent anxiety can be a lingering effect of trauma.
12. Depression: Feelings of sadness and hopelessness may be prevalent.
13. Anger Issues: Anger can mask deeper feelings of hurt and vulnerability.
14. Disassociation: Feeling disconnected from oneself or reality is a coping mechanism.
15. Somatic Symptoms: Physical ailments often accompany emotional pain.
16. Self-Blame: Taking on too much responsibility for things that weren’t their fault.
17. Fear of Intimacy: Close relationships can feel threatening and unsafe.
18. Guilt and Shame: Deep-seated feelings of guilt and shame can persist.
19. Difficulty Expressing Needs: Asking for help or stating needs can be very difficult.
20. Overachievement: Striving for success as a way to prove their worth.
21. Substance Abuse: A way to numb pain or cope with overwhelming emotions.
22. Sleep Issues: Insomnia or nightmares are common.
23. Hyper-independence: A need to do everything on their own to feel safe.
24. Feelings of Isolation: Feeling different or separate from others.
25. Complex PTSD: Ongoing symptoms similar to PTSD but often more severe and chronic.
26. Fear of Failure: Paralyzing fear of making mistakes.
27. Relationship Challenges: Patterns of unstable or unhealthy relationships.
28. Self-Harm: A coping mechanism to deal with intense emotions.
29. Eating Disorders: Food as a means of control or comfort.
30. Perception of Danger: Overestimating threats in everyday situations.
31. Difficulty with Authority: Trouble trusting or interacting with authority figures.
32. Hyper-responsibility: Feeling responsible for others’ emotions and actions.
33. Difficulty Relaxing: Always feeling the need to stay busy to avoid feelings.
34. Perceived Helplessness: Belief that they have no control over their lives.
35. Avoidance of Conflict: Going to great lengths to avoid confrontations.
36. Difficulty Making Decisions: Indecisiveness due to fear of making the wrong choice.
37. Feelings of Hopelessness: A persistent belief that things will never get better.
38. Emotional Numbing: Difficulty feeling or expressing emotions.
39. Over-sensitivity to Criticism: Feeling deeply hurt by any form of criticism.
40. Imposter Syndrome: Constantly feeling like a fraud, despite successes.
41. Perfectionism: Striving for flawlessness to avoid shame.
42. Fear of Success: Believing that success will bring more pain or responsibility.
43. Self-Sabotage: Unconsciously ruining opportunities or relationships.
44. Cognitive Distortions: Negative thought patterns that skew their perception of reality.
45. Feeling Unlovable: Deep-seated belief that they are unworthy of love.
46. Reluctance to Share Feelings: Fear that their emotions will be invalidated or dismissed.
47. Survivor Guilt: Feeling guilty for having survived their trauma when others did not.
48. Sensitivity to Rejection: Overreacting to perceived rejection.
49. Emotional Overwhelm: Easily overwhelmed by emotions.
50. Tendency to Isolate: Withdrawing from others as a protective measure.
51. Fear of Dependency: Worry that relying on others makes them vulnerable.
52. Difficulty Trusting Themselves: Doubting their own judgment and instincts.
53. Need for Control: Trying to control every aspect of their lives to feel safe.
54. Intolerance of Uncertainty: Needing to know what will happen next to feel secure.
55. Avoidance of Pleasure: Feeling undeserving of joy or pleasure.
56. Difficulty with Self-Care: Neglecting their own needs.
57. Fear of Being Judged: Worrying excessively about others’ opinions.
58. Compartmentalization: Separating different parts of their lives to cope.
59. Inability to Set Goals: Struggling to envision a positive future.
60. Fear of Success: Worrying that success will lead to failure or abandonment.
61. Difficulty with Change: Feeling destabilized by changes, even positive ones.
62. Persistent Guilt: Feeling guilty for things beyond their control.
63. Fear of Loss: Preoccupation with losing loved ones or security.
64. Over-apologizing: Frequently saying sorry to avoid conflict or rejection.
65. Low Tolerance for Stress: Easily overwhelmed by stressors.
66. Emotional Suppression: Pushing down emotions to avoid feeling pain.
67. Self-isolation: Keeping others at arm’s length to avoid potential hurt.
68. Fear of Taking Risks: Avoiding risks to prevent failure or criticism.
69. Negative Self-Talk: Constantly criticizing themselves internally.
70. Difficulty in Decision Making: Struggling to make choices confidently.
71. Feeling Stuck: Experiencing a sense of paralysis in life decisions.
72. Fear of Being a Burden: Avoiding asking for help to not burden others.
73. Difficulty Celebrating Achievements: Downplaying or dismissing their successes.
74. Tendency to Overthink: Analyzing situations excessively to avoid mistakes.
75. Fear of Intimacy: Avoiding close relationships to protect themselves.
76. Feelings of Inadequacy: Constantly feeling not good enough.
77. Dissociation: Disconnecting from the present moment to cope with stress.
78. Struggles with Self-Acceptance: Difficulty accepting themselves as they are.
79. Avoidance of Vulnerability: Fear of being hurt by opening up to others.
80. Tendency to Minimize Own Experiences: Downplaying the severity of their trauma.
81. Constant Need for Reassurance: Seeking validation from others frequently.
82. Difficulty Forgiving Themselves: Holding onto guilt and shame from the past.
83. Sensitivity to Noise and Crowds: Feeling overwhelmed in chaotic environments.
84. Need for Predictability: Preferring routines to avoid uncertainty.
85. Overly Protective of Loved Ones: Fear of harm coming to those they care about.
86. Fear of Disapproval: Worrying excessively about being judged.
87. Reluctance to Try New Things: Avoiding new experiences to prevent failure.
88. Difficulty Accepting Compliments: Struggling to believe positive feedback.
89. Perceived Sense of Danger: Feeling unsafe even in secure environments.
90. Struggles with Patience: Difficulty waiting or tolerating delays.
91. Fear of Rejection: Avoiding situations where they might be rejected.
92. Difficulty with Relaxation: Finding it hard to unwind and relax.
93. Constant Self-Doubt: Questioning their abilities and decisions.
94. Need for External Validation: Relying on others for a sense of worth.
95. Fear of Conflict: Avoiding disagreements to keep the peace.
96. Difficulty Setting Boundaries: Struggling to say no or assert themselves.
97. Tendency to Catastrophize: Expecting the worst-case scenario.
98. Difficulty with Self-Compassion: Being hard on themselves.
99. Overanalyzing Past Events: Ruminating on what they could have done differently.
100. Fear of Vulnerability: Seeing vulnerability as a weakness.
101. Anxiety Over Phone Calls: The thought of making or receiving phone calls can induce intense anxiety, as it can trigger unexpected emotions and feel overwhelming.

Understanding these aspects of adult survivors of childhood trauma can foster empathy and support. By recognizing the ongoing impact of these early experiences, we can create a more compassionate and supportive environment for healing and growth. Trauma survivors often display incredible resilience and strength, navigating life with a profound depth of experience that deserves recognition and respect.