Today, I have a bonus body image interview in store for you with “regretful” Biggest Loser participant Kai Hibbard. She shares how her time on Biggest Loser destroyed her body image and made her feel more insecure than ever before. I’m thrilled that she tells the truth about the destructive side of reality TV and our obsession with thinness.

Take it away, Kai.

Growing up, how did you feel about your body?

Growing up I don’t think that I thought much about my body, other than what it could do for me. I wasn’t really aware that I took up more space than society believed I should until I moved to NJ.

I was picked on for my size a bit there, but I received positive strokes in so many areas of my life that it was more of a nuisance than anything.

In high school, I was only aware of my size because I had to have the skirt on my cheerleader uniform taken out. My hips were too generous to fit the uniform they issued me. I just remember being grateful that a friend’s mother could do it for me and not much else.

I wasn’t a very coordinated kid, and mostly a book worm and drama nerd. Being a cheerleader was fun and it made me feel strong. When it wasn’t fun anymore? I stopped doing it.

When did your body image struggles start?

I honestly do not feel like I struggled with my body image, like really really struggled, until I was on The Biggest Loser. {Click to Tweet}

I made the mistake of going on a reality TV program that I had seen a total of 3 minutes of before appearing on it, and my reasons for going on the program were not health or image related.

I happened to be really heavy at that point in my life. It wasn’t causing me psychological stress and my health obviously wasn’t so bad that I couldn’t undergo the vigorous workouts they put me through. I was just heavy. I thought that it would be a cool adventure to tell my future hypothetical kids about. I was wrong.

The more weight I lost, the more I started to hate myself. {Click to Tweet}

The more I lost and the more I was told by producers that it wasn’t enough, the worse it all became. I was not the only contestant that reacted that way. It was physically and psychologically gruelling. There is so much more I go into in my book; how my life before, during and after the Biggest Loser had a profound affect on my relationship with my body and my sense of self.

After you’d lost the weight and came back home, what happened?

When I came back home during the filming of the show not much changed. I have a strong circle of friends that I still keep that kept an eye on me, and eventually started me on the path to recovery. After the finale of my show when I returned home, I was very sick.

What lessons did you learn along the way?

Along the way I learned that I am not as resistant to peer pressure as I had believed. Finding that my sense of self that I had always believed was so strong could be so easily swayed when I was isolated from friends and family was a very humbling experience. That was very disconcerting.

 It has taken me years to get to the point where I can believe that caring for my body is not weakness and pushing myself with starvation or extreme exercise is not a sign of strength.

How do you feel about your body now?

I have my days, just like anyone else, where I struggle to remember that it’s an ongoing process – remembering that my body is NOT a project, it is not something to be “fixed”. My whole being, every part of me is worthy of love, kindness and nourishment.

What’s one tip you can give readers to finally feel at home in their body?

The only tip I can give is repeat to yourself in those hard moments, “You are enough, right now, as you are. You ARE worthy of love and compassion.” Perfectionism is dangerous.

Kai Hibbard is a body acceptance activist, motivational speaker, writer, rebel, nerd at heart and hot chocolate connoisseur, with a knack for talking loud and fast. When not combating mass media hypocrisy and body shaming on social media, she uses her voice to promote body positivity and to shed light on the issues close to her heart.

Kai was first cast into the spotlight through her participation in, and subsequent denunciation of the weight loss game show The Biggest Loser. Going through the program, she realized the negative impact the show had, not only on her own life, but on society in general. Vowing to be part of the solution rather than part of the problem, Kai has fought, often as the lone voice, against unrealistic and damaging message in the media regarding our bodies in general.

Drawing on experiences from her own journey as well as her education in psychology and social work; Kai explores living healthy and happy with her body in a society that inundates people with the message that she shouldn’t. Through well researched and empirically backed discourse, she encourages people to think independently and critically about the messages they are being sent in the media. She urges people to be comfortable in their own skin, embrace who they are, and own the space they take up in the world with both the good and the bad that follows, knowing this to be the best first step towards a happier, healthier existence.

Most of Kai’s time is spent juggling family and professional life. When not writing for publications like xoJane, working on her book, speaking, being interviewed for various outlets or keeping people encouraged on social media, she is reading studies, preparing new presentations and plotting ways to keep her six year old in bed at bedtime.

Follow Kai on Twitter @KaiHibbard, on Facebook and check out her blog www.toofattoothincantwin.com.