It makes perfect sense that you turn to food.
That you love food so much.
That all you can think about is food
and all you do is eat.
It makes perfect sense that you turn away from food.
That you fear it so much.
That all you can think about is food
and all you do is not eat.
It makes perfect sense that you hate on your body.
That you shame it so much.
That all you can think about is fat
and how you can remove it from yourself.
It makes perfect sense
given your story.
Given your fears.
Given all you’ve been through.
There’s no shame in your behaviors.
No shame in your fears.
No shame in your thoughts.
There’s nothing wrong or bad or despicable about what you’re doing
as it makes sense.
Oh how much sense it makes.
Don’t you see?
That you’re just protecting yourself?
That you’re saving yourself every single day?
That all you try to do is keep on moving,
to keep on functioning,
to not just drown.
Let go of the hand that is keeping you afloat.
What you’re doing is the only thing a sane person can do.
What you’ve been doing is the only thing you could turn to.
And how could that not make sense?
How could any of that be wrong?
Of course you turned to food,
of course you turned away from it,
of course to turned against your body.
I’m glad you did.
It means you wanted to survive.
You wanted to be here, stay here, live.
And maybe even thrive.
Now, however, this strategy doesn’t work anymore, does it?
The eating doesn’t do it anymore.
The not eating doesn’t numb you anymore.
The body shame doesn’t give you the high anymore.
Now, however, the pain comes rushing through those barriers of food you’ve built for yourself –
through the fears of weight –
through the self-denial.
Now, however, all the walls are coming down again.
And you’re standing here, naked, no clue what to do.
The hand that once kept you alive is now threatening to let you go.
But you can’t, can you?
What will you do?
How will you live?
How will you cope?
What’s going to happen?
What’s the future going to do?
How will you relate to yourself and this world?
After all, it used to make so much sense.
It used to be so perfect.
It used to feel so right – at least in the moment, until the guilt came pouring through your veins and you beat yourself up like nobody’s business.
After all, you can’t be vulnerable, can’t be you.
Let go, my love.
That’s all there is.
Let go of the hand that is keeping you stuck.
The hand that is holding you in the only place you can no longer live.
Let go of this force that is trying to keep you in the past –
no longer allowing you to heal.
Take a deep breath.
Then,
let
go.
Dive into the ocean of your feelings, with courage, with heart.
Dive in: head first, leaving your ties behind.
Notice how it hurts.
Notice how the pain rushes through your veins.
Notice how you can finally breathe again.
For real this time.
And doesn’t this make even more sense?
Isn’t this really just perfect?
The pain,
the fear,
the endless opportunities and the intuitive knowing that this is life?
That you were meant for more than
being shackled to the kitchen
the gym
the scale?
That you were meant for more than
hating on yourself
fearing food
denying yourself all pleasure?
That you were meant for more than
silent suffering
being held above water but gulping down poison all the time?
That you were meant to feel,
to heal
to fear
to rage
to express
to speak
your
truth?
Doesn’t this make all the sense in the world?
You being in this experience of your emotions without turning away from them and actually knowing that you will be OK?
That you can swim in the ocean
never having to come up for air –
that air that kept on conditioning you to believe that you were your body, what you ate and how much you weighed?
Dive in deeper.
And turn around.
One last look at those fears of the past, knowing they’ll be in your mind for a while longer but seeing how small they really are.
They’re just thoughts.
They’re just beliefs.
Concepts of the mind.
You, are here.
You, are more.
You, have taken the leap
and will reap the reward.
Of course your behaviors around food make sense.
But your longing for freedom,
your desire to be who you know you are,
makes sense – even more.
Take a breath,
dive back in,
and know that
you will be OK without
the sense
that using food
ever made
in your life.
Breathe.
—
Ready to go inward and start healing your destructive relationship with food, your body and weight?
Yes?
Check out “Finally Free – Guided Meditations for Freedom from Emotional Eating” – a Meditation Album that’ll guide you on your journey to healing the bingeing-dieting-restricting-overexercising-horror-cycle.
Emotional eating doesn’t fix emotional problems – even if it feels like it in the moment. It only makes you feel ashamed, guilty and, well, stuffed.
With meditation, you can learn to stop, free yourself and create inner balance and healthy (= sane) eating habits again.
Grab you album now: annesophie.us/guided-meditations/
